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Hanukkah is, without a doubt, one of the most profound milestones within the Jewish faith. In simplest terms, it is an eight-day-and-night celebration of the tenacity of the Jewish spirit. Without a doubt, considering its supreme importance in Judaism, Hanukkah is, like Shiva, a quintessential opportunity to remember and celebrate those we’ve lost.

At Fox Monuments, we’ve helped Long Island’s Jewish community honor and celebrate their faith for decades. Traditions and practices regarding the end of life and lost loved ones is an incredibly significant (and complex) aspect of the Jewish faith. Therefore, part of our mission is to provide the kind of compassion, guidance and unforgettable service that pays both respect to lost loved ones and the appropriate reverence to faith.

In this post, we’ll explore five ways you can honor departed loved ones as you observe Hanukkah this year.

1. Storytelling Around the Lights

Once the menorah is lit, many families observe the tradition of singing songs, reading specific passages and reciting prayers. Mostly, the songs and prayers vary by family, as each have their own specific selections that they find most meaningful or appropriate. However, this is also an excellent opportunity to honor the memories of your lost loved ones.

If you’ve lost someone recently, this will be an even more impactful and emotional practice. Take a few minutes to share everyone’s collective memories of your loved one, and perhaps have others tell their favorite story about them. Even the simple act of acknowledging them, discussing, or just speaking their name out loud can be enormously significant.

Going around the room, give everyone present the opportunity to express gratitude for the ways the departed impacted their life. Hanukkah is the perfect time of year to firmly acknowledge that their enduring memories and legacy remain alive, as long as they live on in you.

2. Put Photos On Display

Of course, we take (and keep) photos so that our memories, and those we love, can live on long after we take them. Therefore, Hanukkah is the perfect time to put these pictures on display – not just to honor those you’ve lost, but to fondly remember Hanukkahs of the past.

Hanukkah is a time to revisit our collective history, celebrate our triumphs and remember our past. While Hanukkah is technically about revisiting our history on a collective scale, for all Jews, that doesn’t mean you can’t also acknowledge your personal memories, as well. Put a picture of those you’ve lost on prominent display, perhaps near the menorah. As a result, this will likely inspire whoever’s present to share specific memories and stories about them.

3. Prayers Following the Lighting

The spiritual teachings of Judaism enforce the idea that the moment a menorah candle flickers is a favorable time for prayer. One of these prayers can be a personal, heartfelt expression of our enduring love for whoever we’ve lost.

Of course, it’s very likely that you won’t be able to complete your prayers without sadness, and probably some tears. But that’s perfectly fine – it’s okay, likely even advisable, for you to have the cry you deserve. Feelings of loss, grief and sorrow are perfectly normal emotions. Also, expressing them is a healthy, typical, and necessary part of the process. Let your family and friends support you during this overwhelming moment.

In fact, mental health and grief experts tell us that experiencing the pain, rather than consistently trying to evade it, actually gives us advanced coping skills. Also, it helps us to feel better in the long-term.

4. Prepare Their Favorite Foods

There are fewer more resolute ways to honor a loved one (present or departed) than by preparing their favorite meals. Much like other Jewish holidays throughout the year, Hanukkah is a time to actualize our faith and gratitude with a festive, splendid meal. The Meal of Consolation isn’t the only meal that we may eat in memory of our departed loved ones.

Were there any specific recipes that your loved one was especially fond of?Was there anything they would often prepare themselves? What was their all-time favorite food? Contributing their favorite, or their signature, dish is a fantastic way to honor them. Also, this will allow you to share their memory with the friends and family present.

Conclusion – Fox Monuments

From our family at Fox Monuments, we wish you and your family the very safest, healthiest and happiest of Hanukkahs! This has been an especially challenging year for us all, and you and your loved ones deserve an exceptional holiday season to finish this year with a bit of celebration.

Hanukkah is a day about hope, and to remind us of our historical ability to triumph over adversity. Therefore, it’s important to keep the spirit of Hanukkah in mind as we conclude a particularly difficult year.v

Happy holidays from Fox Monuments!

When someone in your family dies, there are a lot of things to take care of. One of the most important is making sure that the home is ready for shiva. Shiva is a Jewish mourning ritual that lasts for seven days. During shiva, the family of the deceased gathers in their home to mourn and remember their loved one. There are many things you can do to prepare your home for shiva. In this blog post, we will discuss some of the most important things you need to know! We at Fox Monuments want to help you through this difficult time, and these tips will make the process a little easier.
 

When and Where is Shiva Held

In the Jewish tradition, the funeral is held as soon as possible. This practice helps the soul to move into a peaceful place early on and allows the family to process their grief.

Shiva is held immediately after the funeral, usually on the day of the burial. The mourners return to the home of the deceased, and shiva lasts for seven days. Shiva is the second stage of mourning.
 

How to Prepare the Shiva Home

There are many Shiva preparations that the family must make before starting the 7-day mourning period.

1. The family sits on cushions or low chairs. It is traditional to sit on low chairs or stools during shiva. This is because sitting low to the ground is a sign of humility and grief.
2. Cover all mirrors and pictures. During shiva, all mirrors and pictures in the house are covered. This is because Jewish tradition teaches that during shiva, we should not be concerned with our own appearance. We are focusing on mourning our loved one, and we do not want to be distracted by our own reflection.
3. Keep doors unlocked. During shiva, the doors to the house are kept unlocked. This is so that people can come and go as they please.
4. Burn memorial candles. Memorial candles are burned during shiva. These candles represent the soul of the person who died.
5. Set out food and drinks. Food and drinks are set out for visitors during shiva. This is so that visitors will have something to eat and drink while they are in the house.
6. Prepare handwashing stations. As family and friends enter, they are expected to wash their hands. Some families will set up a wash basin outside or just inside the front door. Others will allow mourners to go right into the bathroom or kitchen. This ritual cleanses their hands and prepares them to comfort those who have suffered a loss.

 

Customs for the Mourning Family

Depending on the family’s preferences, customs will vary. Families will choose which of the mourning customs they are most comfortable with. Typically, the older generations will follow these customs more closely.

Excusal from Work

Throughout Shiva, the family is excused from work and household duties. Meals are prepared by friends or relatives. It is customary for the Shiva house to be left tidy each night so that the mourners can return to a clean space after their day of reflection.

Wear Torn Clothing

The bereaved wear torn clothing as a sign of grief. The clothes do not have to be ripped, but many people will wear an article of clothing that is torn or cut. This is usually done on the day of the funeral.

Stay within the Home

Mourners are not supposed to leave the house during shiva, except for necessary errands like buying food.

Grooming and Dress

Traditionally, mourners do not shave, cut their hair, or wear leather shoes during shiva. This is done as a way of showing respect for the deceased.

Exemptions

Children under the age of thirteen are exempt from shiva. They are considered too young to fully understand death. Pregnant women are also exempt because it is considered bad luck to mourn while you are carrying new life.
 

The Meal of Consolation

Also known as the meal of condolence, the meal of consolation follows the family’s return from the cemetery. It is an opportunity for friends and neighbors to provide support and express their condolences.

The food is brought in by friends or neighbors and left in the kitchen. The family does not have to prepare the meal themselves.

The Meal of Consolation marks the beginning of Shiva. It is intended to help the family recover from stress.
 

Conclusion

The death of a loved one is a difficult time. Following the Jewish tradition of Shiva can help to bring some structure and order during this chaotic time. By preparing your home and yourself, you can create a space for grief and support.

The Shiva is central to the Jewish burial traditions. Serving as the first of several stages of mourning, the Shiva helps family members to stand together while grieving. Long before unveiling the cemetery monument, the Shiva offers families an opportunity to gather and console each other. Read on to learn more about the Shiva service, and the customs surrounding it.

What is Shiva?

The Shiva is a very significant part of the grieving process for Jewish people. After a Jewish person passes away, the family is responsible for burying the individual as quickly as possible. Then, it’s traditional for extended family members, friends, and members of the community to gather and pay their respects during the shiva.

The shiva is generally held in the home of the deceased, or a family member. To demonstrate a state of mourning, those attending wear either torn clothing or a black ribbon to denote mourning status. They are also expected to bring food, as a way of providing sustenance for those in mourning. Like selecting Long Island Jewish Monuments, paying attention to the shiva process is critical.

Traditionally, there is an expectation for family in mourning to refrain from pleasurable activities. This includes watching television, listening to music, and other forms of entertainment.

As indicated by Jewish customs, the shiva should last seven days. In fact, shiva means seven in Hebrew. However, in modern times, some families shorten this period of mourning. Throughout each day, families and those attending say the Mourner’s Kaddish.

 

The Shiva Home

To prepare for the Shiva, the family will prepare the home in a certain way. Over time, Jewish people in different regions have developed varying practices. Generally, though, the underlying principles surrounding these practices has remained the same. Like the principles behind selecting a Long Island Jewish monument, Jewish people take great care in preparing a Shiva home.

In the Ashkenazi tradition, mourners must sit on low stools. This is notably different from the Sephardic practices, in which mourners sit on either the floor or pillows. Both of these practices symbolize that the mourners are in low spirits, due to their recent loss.

Additionally, mourners are likely to cover all mirrors in the home. The reason for this is twofold. First, covering mirrors discourages vanity, creating an environment that allows for introspection and reflection. Secondly, and more traditionally, covering mirrors prevents the spirit of the deceased from becoming trapped. Regardless of the interpretation, covering the mirrors is an important element of the shiva home.

As a way of allowing mourners to continue grieving undisturbed, the family typically leaves the doors unlocked.

A fairly recent tradition adopted from Christian customs, some families have a condolence book intended to give families the opportunity to thank mourners.

The family also generally lights a Yahrzeit Candle in the home. This creates the proper atmosphere for grieving, without using any electrical lighting.

Finally, mourners should remove their shoes, as a way of demonstrating grief.

 

The Origin of Shiva

The Torah mentions the idea behind a period of mourning several times.

During the early periods of Judaism, mourners noticed that feasting in joy was inappropriate during a time of grief. Instead, they viewed this time as an opportunity to express, process and overcome their grief.

Later on, Moses solidified this practice as a formal custom. The progression of this custom is fairly similar to that of the Long Island Jewish monuments. In the beginning, the unveiling tradition existed because it took time to create the monument. Now, this principle exists as a manner of tradition, deeply embedded within Jewish culture.

 

How Long Does the Shiva Last?

In accordance with these customs, the shiva lasts for seven days. However, this does not include the Shabbat, or major Jewish holidays. Beyond the grieving period, these seven days also establish the idea that mourning should be taken as seriously as feasting, which also lasts for seven days. In fact, the Shiva ends long before the unveiling of the Long Island Jewish monuments.

After this period ends, the family customarily leaves the home. This symbolizes “rising from the Shiva”, or moving on in the grieving process.

Following the Shiva, the next step in the grieving process is the Shloshim, in which the family re-enters the world. In some circles, though, family members are not permitted to engage in leisurely activities.

 

Long Island Jewish Monuments from Fox Monuments

At Fox Monuments, we understand the state of grief that mourners are in after the death of a loved one. Being familiar with Jewish customs, we do our best to accommodate all of our customers. To purchase well-crafted Long Island Jewish monuments that are right for your family members, contact us.

When someone in the Jewish community dies, it is important to mark their passing with a headstone. This is known as a Matzeivah in Hebrew. A Matzeivah can be simple or ornate, depending on the person’s life and death. At Fox Monuments, we specialize in creating Jewish headstones and etching inscriptions onto them. We provide monument inscription services all across New York.

Why is Matzeivah Important?

Matzeivahs are important because they help us remember our loved ones who have passed away. By having a physical headstone to visit, we can feel closer to them, even though they are no longer with us.

Whether you choose a monument that covers the grave, is a headstone, or a footstone, it serves 2 main purposes: to remember and to honor.

A monument is a physical embodiment of love that will last long after we are gone. It is a way for future generations to know who we were, what we did, and how much we loved them.

When to Place the Matzeivah

While assumed that it must be placed 12 months after death, this isn’t true. In reality, it is usually placed immediately after shiva.

Fox Monuments will put the headstone in place. Then, the unveiling ceremony will be held after the Kaddish period. Typically, this is around a year following death.

The unveiling ceremony is a formal dedication of the Matzeivah. The rabbi will formally remove a veil, cloth, or handkerchief draped over the stone. The service has many elements, including the Kaddish. Additionally, the rabbi will suggest placing pebbles on the monument.

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Conclusion

Matzeivah is the name that the Torah uses for a cemetery monument. It serves as an important symbol of honor. The headstone is placed as a reminder of the person’s life and their connection to the Jewish people. As such an important aspect of the mourning process, it is important to choose a Jewish monument company you can trust. Fox Monuments has decades of experience helping families create beautiful Matzeivahs. Give us a call today to get started.

In the Jewish tradition, it’s customary to make arrangements for a loved one’s funeral and burial immediately following death. This can be an emotionally distressing time, between contacting family members, friends, all while coping with your loss. And, while pre-planning your Jewish monument is the ideal route, this is not always a financial or logistical possibility. Ordering a Jewish monument that will serve as a final representation of your loved one’s time in life is imperative. In this blog post, we’ll describe the various steps involved in designing this monument.

 

 

2. Explore the Various Types of Jewish Headstones

There are multiple different styles of headstones, and depending on the regulations of the cemetery you selected, you may be able to use one or more.

• Upright Jewish Monuments: The most common style of headstone, the upright monument is what tends to come to mind when people think of a headstone. This Jewish monument style is available in several materials. While somewhat of a standard, upright Jewish monuments may also be considered too large for some cemeteries.
• Slant Monuments: Slant monuments are a proportionately smaller version of upright monuments. They still stand upright, but do not leave the same amount of room for text as upright monuments. And, while you can include some text, it may not be as large as it would be on a larger monument.
• Footmarkers: Rather than being raised above the ground, foot markers are placed directly in the ground, with the text of the monument facing the sky. As the smallest type of Jewish monument, foot markers are the only monument permitted in some cemeteries without ample space. So, for families looking to bury their loved one in a cemetery with space regulations, this can be the ideal choice. Foot markers are also the most affordable Jewish monument option.
• Benches: While it may not be a direct replacement for a Jewish monument, memorial benches are a meaningful way to remember a loved one. When placed in or around your home, it can serve as a friendly reminder of the individual.
• Mausoleums: This expensive burial option is not as common now as it once was, but is a very honorable way to remember your loved ones.

 

3. Determine Your Budget

Unfortunately, the ideal Jewish monument may lie outside of your budget. After investigating price points and cemetery space availability, you’ll need to consider the financial aspect of this process. These are some of the costs that you should take into account:

• Burial plot
• Cost of memorial
• Funeral
• Headstone personalization

When corresponding with a Jewish headstone company, feel free to mention your budget. Once they have this number in mind, the salespeople can guide you toward a solution that fits this price range.

 

4. Select a Jewish Headstone Supplier

Next, you should select a company to purchase the Jewish headstone from. This is an important decision, as the quality of the headstone can vary based on the supplier. Before making this decision, be sure to review the quality of their previous work. The right Jewish headstone supplier will have examples, reviews, and be eager to make a positive impression.

 

5. Decide Which Material Your Loved One’s Headstone Should Be

 

6. Jewish Headstone Finish

In addition to selecting the material, another aesthetic choice is deciding which finish the headstone should be. Most Jewish monument companies offer several different finishes. And, the finish of the headstone may also have an impact on its long-term durability.

 

7. Choosing an Epitaph for the Jewish Headstone

The epitaph of the Jewish headstone can truly capture the essence of the deceased individual. It should serve to describe the individual in a positive light, and convey their best attributes or accomplishments.

The source of an epitaph can vary. For some individuals, it may make sense to find a quote from the Torah that is fitting. For others, a literary quote may be a fitting addition. Song lyrics may also be a fitting choice. Regardless, be sure that the Jewish headstone epitaph describes the deceased individual well.

 

 

Jewish Headstones Long Island

At Fox Memorials, we understand that ordering a monument is stressful. Over the years, our staff have helped many people to make sense of these options and create the ideal monument. We can guide you through this process and ensure that you have all of the information you need at each step.

In Judaism, paying respects to deceased family members and friends is paramount. Observing the Yahrzeit is one way that Jewish people do this. Holding a proper Jewish monument unveiling ceremony is another way that Jewish people pay respects to their families. As Jewish monuments weather over time, they can become quite worn. In this blog post, we’ll explain how headstones become dirty, and the steps that you can take to restore them to their original beauty.

How do Headstones Become Dirty?

As a natural consequence of time and the conditions surrounding them, Jewish monuments tend to lose their initial sheen. Unfortunately, this is not preventable.

It’s hard to imagine that a worn-down Jewish monument could ever match its former beauty. But, with the proper cleaning and restoration strategies, we can make your monument as beautiful as it was when you first bought it.

 

1. Grass Accumulation

The Problem

Most Jewish cemeteries have staff on-hand to maintain the grounds, and cutting the grass is key among these responsibilities. It’s common for recently cut grass to end up on the headstone, and gradually fall to the bottom. This grass then dirties the base of the headstone.

The Solution

Theoretically, it makes sense that you should use the same substance to clean the Jewish monument as you would to clean your granite countertop. In practice, though, this is far from the truth.

Granite cleaner will likely scratch the monument. The same is true for wire and metal brushes.

Instead, the best approach is to use more delicate and basic materials. Spraying the Jewish gravestone with water and using a soft scrub brush is often the best tactic. This technique will remove grime from the headstone, without altering the text, pictures or symbols on the headstone. Mastering this technique, though, can be difficult. Despite its simplicity, this task is best handled by a professional, who will minimize the potential for damage.

 

2. Lichen

 

3. Sinking Jewish Monument

The Problem

Weak soil could lead the headstone to sink into the ground over time. In doing so, it could obscure the name of the individual, or the carefully selected Jewish epitaph. This will cause the monument to look quite worn down.

The Solution

Fortunately, there is a simple way to stop a headstone from sinking, and prevent future sinking. A stone base will prevent the monument from sinking further into the ground. This will also improve the aesthetic appeal of the monument. This physical adjustment may also limit the potential for lichen to spread.

 

The Solution

Even after a thorough cleaning, Jewish monument lettering may still be faded, and possibly, unreadable. A talented headstone cleaner can easily use engraving tools to refurbish the lettering.

Alternatively, many families choose to add new lettering, even while the headstone is in the ground. This is a common choice for families who wanted to add a new row of lettering, but lacked the finances to do so at the time.

Fixing the lettering on the monument will ensure that people will be able to read these important details.

 

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Professional Monument Cleaning by Fox Memorials

At Fox Memorials, we strive to enable our family of customers to properly pay their respects to family members. Hiring professional cleaners to perform routine maintenance is the most efficient way to keep these headstones clean. Contact the team at Fox Memorials to ensure that your loved one’s headstone is taken care of.

Planning a funeral or memorial service is never easy. After the loss of a loved one, you are faced with a multitude of decisions while coping with grief. Naturally, making mistakes during this time is common, especially if you are unfamiliar with the memorial planning process. Even if you are preplanning a service for yourself, it’s easy to overlook important details. By understanding common pitfalls, you can make the process smoother, less stressful, and more meaningful for everyone involved.

At Fox Memorials, we have decades of experience guiding families through memorial planning in Long Island’s Jewish community. In this post, we’ll highlight three common memorial planning mistakes and share tips to avoid them.

1. Not Exploring Funeral Providers

One of the most common mistakes families make during memorial planning is failing to explore multiple funeral providers. Many people assume that the first funeral home they contact will suffice. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the main reasons families choose a particular funeral provider often include prior experience, familiarity with the staff, location, or reputation. While these factors are important, they don’t always guarantee the best service or value.

Here are some tips to ensure you select the right funeral home, crematory, or cemetery:

• Compare multiple providers: Visit or call at least 2–3 funeral homes to compare services and pricing.
• Ask for itemized pricing: Many funeral homes offer similar products and services at different costs. Knowing the exact breakdown can help you make a more informed decision.
• Check reviews and references: Online reviews, testimonials, and word-of-mouth recommendations can help you gauge the quality of service provided.
• Consider location: Convenience for family and guests is important, but it shouldn’t be the only factor.
• Review service options: Ensure the funeral provider offers the specific type of memorial service you want, whether it’s traditional burial, cremation, or a personalized ceremony.

Memorial planning is highly personal, and taking the time to explore providers allows you to find a team that will honor your loved one with care, respect, and professionalism.

2. Not Asking Questions

After the loss of a loved one, grief can be overwhelming, making it difficult to focus on the details of memorial planning. Many people make the mistake of not asking enough questions, which can lead to miscommunication, unnecessary expenses, or a service that doesn’t reflect the life and legacy of their loved one.

Whether you are planning a funeral in advance or after a loved one has passed, asking questions is critical. Here’s why:

• Understand all available options: Funeral homes offer a wide range of services, from traditional Jewish funerals to cremation and customized memorial services.
• Ensure transparency: Questions about pricing, timelines, and procedures help prevent unexpected costs or delays.
• Personalize the service: Asking about options for caskets, urns, monuments, or keepsakes ensures the service reflects your loved one’s personality and faith.
• Reduce stress: Knowing what to expect during memorial planning reduces confusion and anxiety during an already emotional time.

Good funeral homes, like Fox Memorials, provide a wide range of resources to guide families through every step of planning. Staff members are trained to answer questions, never pressure families, and explain all available options so you can make informed choices. Additionally, if you feel unsure about making decisions alone, it’s perfectly acceptable to bring a trusted friend or family member to appointments to offer support and help you weigh options.

Some questions you may want to ask include:

• What is included in the base cost of a funeral or memorial service?
• Are there options for eco-friendly or green burials?
• Can we customize the service with special readings, music, or rituals?
• Do you offer preplanning services or payment plans?
• How are monument and headstone orders handled?

Asking detailed questions ensures that every aspect of your memorial planning is thoughtful, deliberate, and tailored to honor your loved one’s legacy.

3. Not Telling Anyone Your Wishes

Another common mistake in memorial planning is failing to communicate your funeral wishes. According to NFDA data, 62.5% of consumers believe it is important to share funeral wishes with family members, yet only 21.4% actually do so. Many people assume that casually mentioning preferences is enough, but without formal documentation, family members may forget, misinterpret, or disagree about what was intended.

Documenting your wishes and sharing them with your family can:

• Reduce stress for loved ones: Family members grieving the loss will not have to make difficult decisions without guidance.
• Prevent conflicts: Clear instructions can prevent disagreements about service type, burial location, or other important details.
• Ensure your wishes are honored: From music choices to headstone inscriptions, documenting your preferences ensures the service reflects your vision.

Ways to document your wishes include:

• Preplanning and registering your funeral with a chosen provider.
• Creating a written plan that details your preferences, including burial, cremation, flowers, and music.
• Discussing your plan openly with family members and sharing copies of all documents.
• Utilizing online or digital memorial planning tools provided by funeral homes.

Memorial planning is not just about logistics; it’s about leaving a legacy that represents your values, faith, and personality. By sharing your wishes clearly, you lift the burden from your family and ensure that the memorial service is meaningful and respectful.

Additional Memorial Planning Tips

Beyond avoiding the three main mistakes, there are several other considerations that can improve the memorial planning process:

1. Consider Preplanning

Preplanning your memorial or funeral service offers peace of mind and helps protect your family from emotional and financial stress. Preplanning allows you to:

• Choose the type of service, burial, or cremation you prefer.
• Select monuments, headstones, or keepsakes in advance.
• Lock in pricing and payment plans.
• Ensure your cultural or religious traditions are honored, such as Jewish memorial customs.

2. Budget Thoughtfully

Funeral and memorial costs can vary widely. Consider creating a realistic budget that includes:

• Funeral home or cremation fees.
• Cemetery or burial costs.
• Monuments, headstones, or grave markers.
• Flowers, programs, and other personalized touches.
• Transportation and reception arrangements.

By planning ahead and understanding costs, you can make informed choices without overspending during a stressful time.

3. Honor Cultural and Religious Traditions

Religious and cultural practices often guide memorial planning. For Jewish families, for example, there are specific traditions around burial, mourning, and headstone inscriptions. At Fox Memorials, we specialize in creating Jewish family monuments that honor faith and tradition while preserving the memory of your loved one for generations.

4. Personalize the Service

Memorial services are an opportunity to celebrate the life and legacy of your loved one. Consider including personal touches such as:

• Photo slideshows or video tributes.
• Favorite music, readings, or poems.
• Memory-sharing sessions or guest book messages.
• Custom headstone designs that reflect hobbies, interests, or religious symbols.

5. Lean on Professionals

Planning a memorial can feel overwhelming. Experienced funeral directors and monument specialists provide guidance, handle logistics, and help make informed decisions. Choosing a trusted provider ensures your memorial planning process is smooth and dignified.

Conclusion – Fox Memorials

Memorial planning is never easy, but with careful attention, clear communication, and thoughtful preparation, it can become a meaningful way to honor your loved one’s life. Avoiding common mistakes—like not exploring funeral providers, not asking questions, and not sharing your wishes—can make a significant difference in the process.

At Fox Memorials, we specialize in creating beautiful, personalized Jewish family monuments that celebrate life, faith, and tradition. Our experienced team is here to guide you through every step of memorial planning, from selecting a service to designing a lasting tribute that reflects the life and legacy of your loved one. With decades of experience serving Long Island’s Jewish community, we help families navigate this emotional journey with care, respect, and compassion.

For more information on memorial planning, monument options, or preplanning services, contact Fox Memorials today and speak with our knowledgeable team.

In the Jewish tradition, there’s no honor more sacred than helping to bury someone, because it is a favor that cannot be returned. Also, it’s an honor people often avoid: death is frightening, graves are sad, and loss is painful. Of course, Jewish funeral etiquette is slightly different from secular or Christian American customs. In this post, we’ll explore ten things you should know about attending Jewish funerals. 
 

1. Don’t Stay Away

Obviously, it may be tempting to “have a prior commitment” when there’s a death that occurs within our circle of friends. However, it’s a positive thing to attend funerals, even when you have only a vague relationship with the deceased. Of course, the deceased won’t know you’re there, but to the mourners, it’s a comfort to be in the company of their community, especially their friends.

2. Your Presence is Important

Basically, you don’t need to say too much to mourners. In fact, the less said, the better. Obviously, nothing you say is going to heal their pain. What will help most is your presence at the funeral or at shiva. Sincerely express your condolences if you must, but in Jewish tradition, there’s no need to say anything at all unless the mourner initiates the conversation. Mostly, what will help is for you to let them know that they have supportive friends at their side. 

3. Wear Comfortable Shoes

Dress nicely, but wear sensible shoes if you’re going to the graveside. Cemetery grounds are often extremely plushy, often wet and muddy grass. If it will be difficult to walk in those shoes, they’ll be miserable in a cemetery. You don’t want to be trapped in the mud by very expensive (and ruined) stiletto heels.

4. Keep Behavior Respectful

If you find friends there, just remember that this is a funeral: speak quietly. Once the service begins, be quiet. Turn off your cell phone for the service.

5. Listening

There is very little required of the congregation at a funeral. Your job is simply to be present. There will be a few prayers, some psalms, a eulogy, and traditional prayers, El Maleh Rachamim and the Mourner’s Kaddish. Say “amen” along with the congregation, if you wish. The reward for listening is that you’ll learn things about this person that you didn’t know before. You may hear some wonderful stories.

6. Following Directions

The funeral director will give directions before and after the service. Do whatever he or she prompts you to do: park here, sit there, stand, don’t walk there.  Complying with directions is one way to support the mourners and give respect to the dead.

7. Graveside Etiquette

Some funerals move from a chapel to the cemetery, some are held at the monument’s graveside. And, if you don’t know the family well, it’s okay to attend the chapel service, and then skip the graveside service. It’s assumed to be more private. In addition, there will likely be chairs under an awning facing the open grave. Those chairs are for mourners; you do not want to sit in them unless you are a member of the family or disabled.

There will be a few prayers or readings, the casket will lower, and the officiant may assist the family in the ancient custom of shoveling earth into the grave. One or three shovelfuls is typical, and after the family, other attendees may assist. It’s a symbolic way of participating in caring for the body by putting it safely in the earth during burial. Again: follow directions; this is an extremely sensitive time for the family and you don’t want to disrupt the flow of the service.

8. Shiva Customs

There may be an announcement about shiva, the gathering at the home for (traditionally) seven days after the burial. If the family announces specific times, go only at those times. At the shiva house, remember that your presence is what matters. You cannot make their pain go away with words.

Mourners need time and space to mourn, and it is an act of kindness to give them the opportunity to do so. Usually, there’s a short service at the shiva house in the morning and evening. You can linger, but do not overstay: when people start leaving, go. Keep in mind that this is not a party, the mourners are not “entertaining.” Sending or bringing prepared food is a very nice thing to do; when in doubt, send kosher food.

9. Making Donations

Most families will designate a charity to which donations may be made in memory of the dead, and most non-profits are happy to send a card to the mourners telling them about your gift. Like consolation gifts, this is not required, but it is a very nice thing to do. Which brings us to:

10. You Won’t See These:

• Flowers – instead, Jews give donations to a memorial fund. 
• An open casket – We don’t look at a dead person unnecessarily, since they cannot look back at us.
• A fancy casket – Traditionally, Jewish caskets are plain, unfinished wood.
• Talk about the afterlife – Most Jews focus on doing good in this life. We don’t know for sure what happens after death, and we tend not to worry about it much. Some think there is an afterlife, some don’t.

 

Conclusion

Of course, there is much more to learn about Jewish funerals and mourning practice. And at Fox Memorials, helping Long Island’s Jewish community honor their loved ones with magnificent, enduring tributes to their loved ones with monuments is our daily mission. For more information on Fox Memorials or our services, contact us now.