Category Archives: Jewish Memorial Traditions

There are so many unprecedented measures currently in place as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. These measures are having a dramatic effect on several families losing loved ones during this very uncertain time. As we’re unable to gather or assemble in large groups, it can be doubly painful for mourners. Common Jewish traditions around the end of life, like Shiva, have been completely disrupted.

Usually, when a Jewish individual passes, their family receives a lot of emotional and physical support from friends, family and community. This kind of support is integral to the Jewish faith. However, in the age of COVID-19, how do we express condolences to those who have suffered a loss?

In this post, we’ll explore how to express condolences safely during the COVID-19 pandemic.

1. Find a Digital Way to Engage

Nowadays, physical presence is often not an option when it comes to expressing condolences. Therefore, we must redefine how we support our grieving friends and family. In some cases, families will visit monuments, hold a burial or shiva but restrict the number of visitors. However, most families are not holding gatherings of any kind in order to eliminate the risk of COVID-19.

While you can’t physically be with the mourning family, you can still send support in other ways. Technology has provided us with means of adapting to social distancing guidelines. Many businesses are utilizing Zoom, FaceTime and other video technology to operate safely. You can contact any friends or family who have suffered a loss the same way to express your condolences without being in the same room.

3. Prepare Meals For the Family or Have Food Delivered

In the Jewish faith, it’s common to prepare meals of consolation for grieving families. The meal of consolation, also known as the meal of condolence, is one of the many ways in which we can help friends through their grief. To ease the stress of the mourning family, the community often provides them a a meal. So, both the presence of the food and the warm gesture contribute to the impact of the meal of condolence.

In addition, this can be a safe way to express your sympathy to a grieving family. You can send the meal to them without any physical interaction. Therefore, during this uncertain age of COVID-19, it’s an optimal way to send your condolences and pay your respects.

3. Plant a Tree In Their Memory

Planting a memorial tree for an individual is a safe and appropriate way to pay tribute to someone you’ve lost. This is a highly respected Jewish tradition for several life events and more specifically, it’s a way to honor the life and legacy of friends, family and those no longer present. Together with the planting of the tree, a memorial certificate will be created and sent to the family to honor their loved one and also express condolences.

Conclusion

While there will never be a substitute for human interaction, these can safely help you to show your support for grieving friends and family. Right now, we all have to make adjustments that feel counterintuitive. However, it’s of paramount importance to keep each other safe until COVID-19 is behind us entirely. At Fox Monuments, we’re still here to provide you with stunning and enduring custom Jewish headstones to honor your loved ones.

Sitting shiva is a consummate Jewish tradition. Without a doubt, it’s one of the most monumental customs within the Jewish faith. Additionally, many consider it to be the most important step in the mourning process. However, how do we sit shiva during this period of social distancing?

At this time, we’re all doing our best to acclimate to unique circumstances. As COVID-19 continues to impact our ability to gather, most of us are still wondering how to proceed in many areas.

At Fox Monuments, we’ve served Long Island’s Jewish community for several decades. Our primary goal is to guide and support families throughout some of the most painful and difficult phases. In this post, we’ll explore shiva and funeral safety in the time of COVID-19.

What is Shiva?

As most of us know, within the Jewish faith, the body of the deceased is buried immediately. Then, for up to seven days after, the bereaved family receives visitors and mourners in their home. Extended family, friends and neighbors visit the home to gather and pay their respects throughout the shiva period.

Usually, the shiva is in the home of the deceased, or one of their family members. Very often, those attending wear torn garments or black ribbon to reflect their state of mourning. Many bring food in order to console the grieving family.

Traditionally, the shiva lasts seven days. In fact, in Hebrew, “shiva” means seven. However, most contemporary families condense shiva into a period of one to four days.

Shiva & Funerals Now

The recent spread of coronavirus makes planning gatherings particularly difficult nowadays. We’re all being encouraged to maintain social distancing and limit gatherings to fewer than ten people. In addition, it seems as if there are new official guidelines and policies on a daily basis. It’s hard to avoid total confusion in the midst of so much uncertainty.

For grieving families, the inability to gather with other mourners can be doubly difficult. Obviously, our natural inclination is to provide support to those who have lost loved ones. Having to compromise on funerals after losing a loved one can be very painful and disorienting.

Unfortunately, right now we have no official policy in place when it comes to shiva and funerals. However, in New York we’re currently limited to gatherings of ten people or less. While this can be frustrating, the safety of our community is paramount.

Keeping Shiva Safe

There are ways to host shiva safely. First, you can regulate the flow of guests by allocating specific times for certain visitors. This way, you’ll be able to limit the amount of people in your home and keep it below ten. Stay in touch with friends and family and decide on a schedule.

In addition, encourage everyone to wear face coverings. Admittedly, this may seem very counterintuitive, especially for mourning attire. However, it’s very necessary at the moment to preventing the spread of COVID-19. Also, be sure to have everyone wash their hands and maintain distances of six feet or more. Implementing these practices might seem like an additional burden. But, they’re a way to ensure you can both honor your faith and keep your community safe.

Fox Monuments

Fox Monuments has always strived to honor the Jewish tradition with gorgeous, custom monuments. Our work is about paying tribute to the Jewish faith and honoring the lives of your loved ones with enduring memorials. No matter what kind of hardships we may collectively face, we’ll maintain our commitment to serving our community.

At Fox Monuments, we help Long Island’s Jewish families in difficult and stressful periods. By crafting Jewish monuments for departed loved ones, we help grieving families pay tribute to their heritage and religion. Naturally, the afterlife is often the primary focus of conversations about religion. Christianity has a fairly black-and-white answer to these questions. However, Judaism has a much more nuanced and complex response. Nonetheless, the Jewish afterlife is a critical element of religion as a whole.

Ambiguous Scripture: Sheol

Unlike Christianity, Jewish text doesn’t explicitly detail the concept of an afterlife. Nonetheless, after burying the deceased in front of a Jewish monument, there is no sense of uncertainty surrounding their spiritual path.

The Torah alludes to a life following existence on earth. This afterlife, which takes place in the Sheol, is a space where souls go immediately after death. While there’s nothing that describes this explicitly, many people living during this era were familiar with this. There are clues that indicate that Sheol was in the center of the earth, but no hard evidence. Therefore, after burial, people believe their souls would journey to this place.

The idea that it was a temporary resting location was central to the Sheol. Eventually, during the judgement day, God would wake those deemed worthy from sleep, and live forever. This somewhat coincides with the ideas behind the symbols present on Jewish headstones.

Messianic Era: Resurrection

The next distinct era in terms of Jewish thought regarding the afterlife developed around the time that Christianity emerged.

The primary belief behind this idea was that the resurrection would take place during the Messianic Era, or shortly thereafter. There is even more confusion regarding who would be resurrected. Some people held belief that everyone would experience resurrection. Others thought that only the righteous would be. Either way, a proper burial with a Jewish monument was still important.

The World To Come

Most often, this is the language believers associate with the concept of an afterlife in Hebrew writings.

In early sources of study for rabbis, the “World to Come” is mentioned, as a highly spiritual realm. It is also compared to desirable physical sensations, like sex. Regardless, for entry into this World to Come, Jewish people must be buried with proper Jewish monuments.

Scholars who have interpreted these texts have specific interpretations about the World to Come. Some believe that the World to Come is during the resurrection. In this line of thinking, the righteous would enjoy living after the event. However, others believed that the World to Come would arrive even after the Resurrection, with all of those who were resurrected. This school of thought posits that those participating would die a second death.

After that, they’d experience the bliss of the World to Come in a purely spiritual sense. The third interpretation states that this bliss would immediately follow life. For this reason, people pay close attention to the design of Jewish monuments.

One ancient tradition of designating a person to protect the body is still relevant today. Called Shemira, this practice requires a non-family member to protect the body before it is buried. In order to pay tribute to deceased relatives in the afterlife, lighting Yahrzeit candles is a common practice.

Do Heaven and Hell Exist in Jewish Writings?

The concepts behind Heaven and Hell in Judaism are not as specific as those in other religions. There is apocalyptic language that suggests a concept very similar to Hell. Called Gehinnom, Jewish texts describe this place where non-righteous people go as being fiery and dark.

Jewish people believe that life doesn’t end. Rather than dying, the Torah suggested that Abraham went to rest with his fathers. Similarly, the Talmud text relates the stories of people who travelled to and from this spiritual destination.

Modern Schools of Thought

In modern times, most sects of Judaism believe in the World to Come within these scriptures. In accordance with these beliefs, they also agree with the concept of a Judgement Day. Despite this, there is uncertainty between sects about exactly how the Judgement Day will unfold. As a way of paying tribute to the deceased, and helping them reach the afterlife, hosting a proper Jewish memorial service is essential.

Orthodox Jews maintain belief that physical bodies (rather than the soul) will be resurrected on the Judgement Day.

Jewish Monuments

To truly capture the legacy of your loved one’s life, an exquisitely-crafted Jewish memorial is the perfect first step. Our artisan designers can create a beautiful testament to your loved one’s life.

Offering full design, creation and setting services, Fox Monuments can take care of the whole process for your loved one. For more information, contact us today!

Losing a loved one is devastating. At Fox Monuments, we know just how profound a loss it can be. Losing friends or family members is always incredibly painful and it’s usually the worst time in someone’s life. Obviously, we all know how difficult this kind of loss can be. That’s why when a friend loses a loved one, we want to do everything we can to support them. However, many of us simply don’t know what to say or do.

It can often be difficult trying to find the right thing to say or do to give our friends the condolences and support we feel they deserve. Unfortunately, sometimes words and gestures that come from a genuine desire to help can do unintended damage. Often, they can backfire and just exacerbate the pain of a loss. In this post, we’ll discuss some tactful and supportive etiquette that can help a friend through their grief. Keep reading to find out more.
 

What You Should Do or Say

First and foremost, don’t be afraid to express your condolences or give them a hug. Often, we’re afraid to remind them of their loss. However, the odds are they haven’t exactly forgotten about it. No need for anything over the top, but do or say something. But by reminding them that you care, you’ll be doing a great deal to help them.

Next, be sure to listen, listen, listen. Once you express your sympathy, be an observer. If they don’t want to talk about it anymore, they’ll let you now. Remember: let them move things in the direction they decide. Don’t press them to keep discussing a topic that’s obviously very painful.

It can be an enormous help to get support from somebody who recently went through a similar experience. Additionally, this is much better than simply leaving it at: “I know how you feel.” If they’ve lost a spouse, it can be very helpful for them to see how someone else is dealing with a similar loss. However, never do this without asking them first if they’d find it helpful.

Keep in mind that small gestures can be a huge help. Not every attempt to help has to be grand. Try the occasional text message, phone call or email, maybe bring food or flowers over every once in a while. This series of small gestures can have a massive and profound collective impact.
 

What You Shouldn’t Do or Say

Without a doubt, you should never diminish the loss. While you might feel extreme discomfort at seeing someone you love in pain, minimizing the loss never helps. However, this doesn’t mean you should avoid focusing on the positive impact of a person’s life. Don’t focus only on past events, though – this can often make the pain worse.

On the flip side of that, it’s equally important to never overdramatize the loss. Statements like “I don’t know how you’ll ever live without them” serve absolutely no purpose. In addition, they negate the truth. Ultimately, they will have to find their way without them.

Remember to ask, don’t tell. Whenever you see them, ask them how it’s going, instead of making observations like “you look amazing” or “you look like you’re having a hard time.” Those are all subjective statements that can often make them feel conflicted. They may not feel that way, or may have no idea of how they feel and might begin questioning their ability to grieve “the right way.” Anyway, there’s no rigid itinerary for grief. Try not to make them feel like they’re going too quickly or too slowly.
 

Fox Monuments of Long Island

At Fox Monuments, we’ve served Long Island’s Jewish community throughout times of grief for years. We know how painful and disorienting it can be, and strive to provide a service that greatly eases the burden. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are definitely advisable ways to console and support our friends.

For more information on Fox Monuments or our services, contact us today.

Fox Monuments, being a provider of Jewish memorials and headstones, naturally explores Jewish customs in our posts. Judaism is rich with history and cultural significance. Jewish practices concerning death and mourning are varied and unique. And Fox Monuments has paid tribute to Long Island’s Jewish community for decades.

However, many non-Jewish mourners can often feel perplexed by the traditions of Jewish memorials. Naturally, they can sometimes be intimidating to navigate when you’re not sure how to proceed.

Below, we’ve posted a guide to sitting Shiva for non-Jewish mourners. If a Jewish friend or family member has passed away and you wish to pay respects, this can be very helpful information.

1. What is Sitting Shiva?

Shiva is a practice of Jewish mourning that lasts for seven days. It begins on the day of a Jewish funeral or burial. However, these days, most Shivas tend to last about three days.

Essentially, this is a structured mourning period. It allows the bereaved family a designated time and space to receive fellow mourners and process their grief. It is a way to help the bereaved move through the stages of mourning. Usually, Shiva is announced at the funeral service.

2. Customs, Ritual & Protocol

Shiva takes place within the home of the spouse, parent, sibling or husband of the deceased. And, while Shiva is a Jewish event, non-Jews are welcome to attend. During Shiva, the community will visit the grieving family to pay their respects.

Basically, prior to actually visiting the home, it’s customary to make a call. Essentially, the purpose of this call is to remind the family that they’re not alone. During this call, it’s important for you to listen, be compassionate and supportive. Clearly, this is an obvious instinct for anyone consoling a bereaved friend or family member.

First, when you arrive at the home sitting Shiva, you’re encouraged to walk right in. During the Shiva period, the family’s home is open to all who are willing to pay their respects. Essentially, everyone is welcome.

As the visitor, your purpose is to honor the grief of the bereaved. In other words, you’re encouraged to play a role of unconditional support and to be a comforting presence. Many religions or cultures encourage mourners to hide their grief. However, Jewish culture is unique in that it promotes the open sharing of communal grief. Shiva is a crucial aspect of this shared mourning.

3. The Shiva Policies

There are certain rituals, practices and policies to adhere to during Shiva. Naturally, this may vary depending on the family in question. Nonetheless, it’s best to be aware of the general Shiva policies when visiting a home.

Many non-Jews aren’t aware that discussing the manner of death is highly inadvisable. Basically, this is universally discouraged. Don’t bring up how the person died, unless the family wishes to discuss it voluntarily.

Most Shiva homes will place a guest book in a communal area for guest to sign. It’s considered polite for all visitors to sign this book. Essentially, you want to leave notes of support and consolation for the bereaved. Keep an eye out for this book and be sure to sign it.

Accordingly, it’s important to not have solid expectations for the atmosphere of the Shiva. Every Shiva feels different. In many cases, whether it’s a family member’s first or seventh Shiva, each one can feel like the first. Remember: your purpose is to be a shoulder to cry on and to console.

Conclusion

At Fox Monuments, we hold Jewish customs and practices in the highest respect. We take enormous pride in helping the Jewish community create fitting memorials to pay tribute to their loved ones.

The rabbi plays a critical role in the Jewish mourning process, as a key point of guidance and wisdom for the family. Essentially, rabbis are the keepers of the Jewish faith. Their importance isn’t simple reserved for providing solace after death.

Throughout the tradition of Judaism, rabbis have served by encouraging people to be faithful to themselves and their religion. People need advice from an esteemed religious figure, especially after the death of a loved one. The importance of a rabbi begins long before death, and ends after burial with the Jewish headstone. In this post, we’ll discuss the tasks and significance of a rabbi after an individual’s death, and throughout the grieving process.
 

Before Death

In the Jewish faith, there are several prayers in place for life’s specific moments and milestones. One of these is right before a loved one’s death. After informing a rabbi of someone’s failing health, the rabbi will generally come to provide advice. Essentially, they’ll experience the positive effects of the rabbi’s presence before selecting a Jewish headstone.

This is not solely for the dying individual, but also for their family members, who are obviously experiencing a range of mixed emotions. This meeting relieves the dying person of any unresolved grievances, so that they may pass on peacefully.

Additionally, it’s traditional for the rabbi to lead the dying individual in the Vidui. This confessional prayer allows them to express regret for all of their sins, prior to entering the afterlife.
 

After Death

Traditionally, the rabbi leads those assembled in the “True Judge” prayer. During this prayer, the family aims to help their loved one transition into the afterlife. This prayer is one of the most meaningful, especially before the Jewish headstone’s placement. However, some choose to perform this particular prayer at the funeral instead.

Another principle that’s prominent within Jewish burial is that of the protector. Shemira, which is Hebrew for guarding, requires friends to maintain a steady watch over the body. They must maintain this observation from the time of death through the burial, reciting psalms and other important Jewish readings. In doing so, they can ensure that the body is untainted and not disturbed. Non-family members generally compose the shomer. When the family cannot find enough shomers, the rabbi will make arrangements.

Jewish Funeral Services

The rabbi’s role in the Jewish funeral tends to vary. This depends on the specific circle, as general funeral customs tend to do. While not explicitly mandated by Jewish law or scripture, the rabbi generally officiates at the Jewish funeral. Interestingly, flowers are inappropriate at Jewish funerals. Before the service formally begins, the rabbi usually leads the family in the rending of the garments. This age-old tradition, historically called Keriah, works on several levels. First, it gives family members a physical outlet through which to express their grief. Second, it signifies the destruction of one’s heart. Finally, it gives family members a way to express their pain.

After gathering information from family members and friends, the rabbi gives a eulogy. In this passage, the rabbi generally delivers insight into the character of the deceased. Occasionally, the rabbi will also ask family members to participate, or deliver a separate story. Through delivering this eulogy, the rabbi seeks to impart the same sort of information that a Jewish headstone might, with various symbols and an epitaph.

Burial

Once the funeral is over, the family, mourners and rabbi relocate to the burial site. Here, the rabbi again leads the group in prayer. The Mourner’s Kaddish, which is a way to offer praise and gratitude to God, is important throughout the grieving process. The rabbi generally leads this process. Once this ceremony has concluded, the casket goes into the ground, beneath the Jewish headstone. Family members generally participate through the symbolic gesture of throwing dirt into the grave.
 

After the Burial

Following a Jewish Burial, the rabbi’s involvement tends to be significantly reduced. This is because the family unites in support of each other, and in remembrance of the deceased individual. The Shiva, generally hosted in either the home of the deceased or a close relative, allows family members to process this grief.
 

Monument Unveiling Ceremony

During the Yahrzeit, or one year after a loved one’s passing, the family participates in the monument unveiling process, or the “unveiling ceremony.” This tradition stems from a time when elaborate headstones were common, and others came to respect the hard work of masons and craftsmen. The rabbi again joins the family and delivers prayers from the book of Psalms. Additionally, the rabbi may deliver another eulogy in commemoration of the deceased individual.

Jewish Headstones – From Fox Monuments Long Island

At Fox Monuments, our goal is to streamline the monument purchasing process for all families in mourning. Our staff will guide you through each step, so that you can find the perfect solution for your loved one. Contact us to begin the Jewish headstone purchasing process.