Category Archives: Jewish Memorial Traditions

Followers of the Jewish faith place significant sentimental value on both human life and, in particular: family. When a family member passes away, a swift, decisive reaction is critical. Of course, it’s equally as essential to pre-plan or commission a Jewish monument quickly. However, often the family won’t uncover the monument until the Yahrzeit (Unveiling Ceremony). One key Jewish burial tradition is burying the body quickly, and beginning the grieving process.

The tradition of guarding the body is synonymous with this principle. In this post, we’ll explore this ancient tradition, its origins and how mourners honor it in modern times.

What is Shemira?

Shemira translates directly to “watching” or “guarding.” Essentially, it’s the traditional Jewish practice of observing and protecting the deceased’s body and one of the first mourning stages. Ultimately, this serves a dual purpose. First, it helps family members to feel at ease about the conditions of their relatives. In addition, it serves as a way to comfort the spirit of the deceased. Ultimately, the goal of Shemira is to ensure that the body remains undisturbed. With few exceptions, Orthodox Jews are the only people who continue to observe this tradition these days.

In the most traditional circles, someone must guard the body until burial. This is the same guiding principle which governs the practice of immediate burials. The longer the body remains outside of a burial ground, the more potential there is for illicit tampering. Of course, this is the primary reason that Jewish law enforces the policy of informing family members about death promptly; and laying the body to rest with the Jewish monument.

What is the Origin of Shemira?

Shemira is an ancient practice, and dates back at least two-thousand years. Originally, this practice was a show of solemn respect for the deceased. Before progressing to thee next life, the Jewish faith dictates that the soul temporarily remains around the body. But, there were several additional goals of this practice, as well.

During the earliest days of Shemira, this was a method of repelling critters and thieves. In modern times, we’re a lot less likely to deal with people attempting to tamper with the body or animals infiltrating the facility. However, the sentiment behind this practice remains just as essential to honoring mourners’ faith as ever.

Shomer: Guardian or Watcher

The Hebrew word shomer is not specific to death, either. This word translates to “watch,” “guard,” or “preserve.” It’s entirely possibly to apply this word towards other contexts, as well.

For example, people who follow Kosher dietary standards are called shomer kashrut. People who are shomer Shabbat agree to observe the strict rules of the Sabbath. Within this religious context, shomer means “one who guards the dead.”

Who Can be a Shomer?

Because the family’s in a state of high mourning, the Jewish faith calls for others to honor these guard duties.

Most shomers are from either the congregation or a chevra kadisha. A chevra kadisha is an organization specifically ordained to prepare and comfort bodies of the deceased. With this practice in place, someone who was significantly close to the deceased can stand guard over them following their passing.

Throughout the vigilance period, shomers must stand guard over the body of the deceased. This means that they must remain awake throughout the night. Shomers cannot eat, drink or indulge in other pleasures that are impossible for the deceased to enjoy. Often, the shomer recites psalms or other important readings.

Jewish Monuments Long Island

At Fox Monuments, we pride ourselves on creating the highest quality Jewish monuments available on Long Island. Our team of expert craftsmen have an extreme attention to detail and an unwavering commitment to creating monuments that pay exquisite homage to the Jewish faith. With a firsthand knowledge of Jewish burial customs, we can create a lasting and significant memorial that beautifully honors your faith and legacy.

At Fox Monuments, crafting memorials that reflect legacies and honor faith is our contribution to Long Island’s Jewish community. Judaism is a faith rich with countless customs and traditions. Of course, there are numerous customs and traditions surrounding death and healing from it. Unfortunately, within the previous year honoring each of these traditions has been difficult. And with so many lives lost from COVID-19, it’s been doubly difficult for so many families.

However, with these restrictions came a certain amount of innovation. Obviously, we couldn’t gather in large numbers or visit many public spaces. Therefore, traditional rituals weren’t an option. As a result, countless families developed their own, personal mourning rituals to honor their loved ones. In this post, we’ll explore a guide to creating new mourning rituals that can provide closure and feel like a respectable tribute to those we’ve lost.

What Is a Ritual?

Obviously, this is the best place to start. Admittedly, this may seem like a pointless question to ask. However, knowing what you should strive towards is a great way to understand what to do. When it comes to saying a final goodbye, you can never put forth too much effort.

Rituals are actions done in significant ways that represent an ideal that’s much more than the act itself. Actions that symbolize ideas, thoughts, beliefs or metaphysical notions are legitimate rituals. Basically, they give a meaning to our actions. Also, they give us the feeling that we’re connected with something greater than ourselves.

Often, we perform rituals in an effort to obtain peace, clarity, meaning or to feel grounded. Sometimes, we perform rituals to connect to family or a specific individual, or culture, society, our ancestors or even ourselves.

Creating Your Own Ritual

We may create rituals for a number of reasons. But in this case, the goal is to create a ritual that allows you to process grief in a constructive, healthy way. Many decide to perform them on a birthday or anniversary significant to someone they’ve lost. On the other hand, some express grief in subtle, quieter rituals every day or week.

Of course, a mourning ritual should, in some way, reflect whoever you lost. Basically, this means you should include a symbol or memento with significance to them. Just like a headstone inscription, this will encourage the notion that you’re honoring them.

If you have any concerns about a ritual potentially violating your faith, consult your rabbi. However, typical mourning rituals have no blasphemous value and are simply a more personal means of saying goodbye to a loved one. In addition, they provide closure during a time when we can’t observe many normal traditions like Shiva.

Examples of Mourning Rituals

• Light a candle in their honor, perhaps on a certain date like Hanukkah. For example, a common ritual is to light candles at dinnertime to signify past meals shared.
• Create a scrapbook and actively work towards filling it with photos and mementos symbolizing their life.
• Recite poetry, important readings or song lyrics.
• Listen to their favorite songs regularly or create a mix of their favorite musicians.
• Watch their favorite movie or TV show.
• Plant a tree or flowers in their memory.
• Make a donation to their favorite charity in their name/memory.
• Create a work of art symbolic of their life.

Ultimately, there are no rules or restrictions when it comes to an effective mourning ritual. Of course, you know precisely what kind of actions will properly honor your loved one. It can be as simple or extravagant as you like, whatever feels most appropriate. Basically, if it feels like a legitimate way to honor them, then it most likely is. Do whatever feels right.

Conclusion – Fox Monuments

Without a doubt, the previous year was full of unique challenges and difficult circumstances. As a result, countless families were unable to honor lost loved ones in traditional ways. But with adversity comes innovation, and mourning rituals are an exceptional way to help us heal from the pain of loss.

At Fox Monuments, we’ll continue to support Long Island’s Jewish community throughout any future challenges. In addition, we’ll also keep creating memorials that are beautiful reflections of Jewish lives and legacies.

Paying respects to the elderly is one of the key values that Judaism teaches. When people pass away, it’s important for family members and friends to honor their memory and time on this earth appropriately — both when visiting the Jewish monument and on holidays.

The Jewish mourning and burial process is coordinated to help family members grieving a loss overcome this grief in a manner synonymous with their faith. Because of this, the funeral and burial normally take place immediately after death. In this blog post, we’ll discuss standard Jewish funeral etiquette, and how you can best comfort grieving friends or family after burial with the Jewish monument.

How Should You Dress for a Jewish Funeral?

Like other funeral principles, dressing appropriately is a crucial part of showing your respect for the loss. Traditionally, people attending a Jewish funeral wore only black clothing. However, over the years some families have grown more lax with regard to this policy. When attending a Jewish funeral, men should generally wear a suit, or slacks with a button-down shirt. While the clothing doesn’t necessarily need to be black, it should be a darker color.

Wearing a head covering is also a sign of respect. Most temples have yarmulkes (or skull caps) available for mourners who don’t have their own. Women, on the other hand, should also dress in darker colors. Suits are a common choice, as are skirts, blouses, and conservative dresses. The customs for funeral attire can vary depending on the house of worship and mourning family. If you’re curious about what’s appropriate, contact a member of the family or somebody close to them. The same rules apply to the unveiling ceremony.

Offer Words Of Comfort

When attending a Jewish funeral, be sure to have a comforting presence, especially toward the family. Giving your condolences to the family of the deceased is one of the best ways to show that you fully support them. Expressing what the deceased meant to you, or even sharing a simple memory can help them during this difficult time.

General Funeral Conduct Tips

In Judaism, cemetery etiquette is paramount. So, be sure to arrive early, or at the very least, on time. Arriving late can be a distraction for others in attendance. Also, be sure to remain silent and don’t talk during a Jewish funeral.

While you should offer words of condolence, be sure that you’re not speaking out of turn. For example, if someone is reciting a reading or leading those gathered in the Kaddish prayer, then take care to remain silent. The same rules also apply to people who are near the Jewish monument.

Send a Gift to the Family

After a loved one passes, most close family members are busy making arrangements for the funeral. So, they likely won’t have time to take care of standard household duties or activities.

As a friend or close family member, you can pitch in by contributing to these day-to-day needs. One easy way to do this is by cooking a meal for the grieving family.

 

The Meal of Consolation

The meal of consolation is a common tradition for Jewish people. The meal of consolation involves members of the community contributing food, which the family eats in the day or weeks following the funeral. You can also help the mourning family during this difficult time by offering a service.

For example, taking care of pets and cleaning the house are both time-consuming activities that you can take on. While the family may not feel inclined to accept the offer, this kind gesture will go a long way. Sending flowers or a donation to the family is another simple way to show your support.

Show Support During the Shiva

While separate from the funeral service itself, the shiva is another integral part of the Jewish mourning process. Once the deceased individual has been buried, the family proceeds to the Shiva home.

The Shiva is a time for distant family members, friends, and neighbors to pay their respects. Comforting the family and sharing pleasant stories about the deceased can go a long way in helping them overcome grief.

Jewish Monuments

Paying attention to these customs can go a long way in having a respectful presence. At Fox Monuments, our team’s committed to creating high-quality memorials that remain an enduring tribute to your loved one for many years to come.

There are so many unprecedented measures currently in place as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. These measures are having a dramatic effect on several families losing loved ones during this very uncertain time. As we’re unable to gather or assemble in large groups, it can be doubly painful for mourners. Common Jewish traditions around the end of life, like Shiva, have been completely disrupted.

Usually, when a Jewish individual passes, their family receives a lot of emotional and physical support from friends, family and community. This kind of support is integral to the Jewish faith. However, in the age of COVID-19, how do we express condolences to those who have suffered a loss?

In this post, we’ll explore how to express condolences safely during the COVID-19 pandemic.

1. Find a Digital Way to Engage

Nowadays, physical presence is often not an option when it comes to expressing condolences. Therefore, we must redefine how we support our grieving friends and family. In some cases, families will visit monuments, hold a burial or shiva but restrict the number of visitors. However, most families are not holding gatherings of any kind in order to eliminate the risk of COVID-19.

While you can’t physically be with the mourning family, you can still send support in other ways. Technology has provided us with means of adapting to social distancing guidelines. Many businesses are utilizing Zoom, FaceTime and other video technology to operate safely. You can contact any friends or family who have suffered a loss the same way to express your condolences without being in the same room.

3. Prepare Meals For the Family or Have Food Delivered

In the Jewish faith, it’s common to prepare meals of consolation for grieving families. The meal of consolation, also known as the meal of condolence, is one of the many ways in which we can help friends through their grief. To ease the stress of the mourning family, the community often provides them a a meal. So, both the presence of the food and the warm gesture contribute to the impact of the meal of condolence.

In addition, this can be a safe way to express your sympathy to a grieving family. You can send the meal to them without any physical interaction. Therefore, during this uncertain age of COVID-19, it’s an optimal way to send your condolences and pay your respects.

3. Plant a Tree In Their Memory

Planting a memorial tree for an individual is a safe and appropriate way to pay tribute to someone you’ve lost. This is a highly respected Jewish tradition for several life events and more specifically, it’s a way to honor the life and legacy of friends, family and those no longer present. Together with the planting of the tree, a memorial certificate will be created and sent to the family to honor their loved one and also express condolences.

Conclusion

While there will never be a substitute for human interaction, these can safely help you to show your support for grieving friends and family. Right now, we all have to make adjustments that feel counterintuitive. However, it’s of paramount importance to keep each other safe until COVID-19 is behind us entirely. At Fox Monuments, we’re still here to provide you with stunning and enduring custom Jewish headstones to honor your loved ones.

Sitting shiva is a consummate Jewish tradition. Without a doubt, it’s one of the most monumental customs within the Jewish faith. Additionally, many consider it to be the most important step in the mourning process. However, how do we sit shiva during this period of social distancing?

At this time, we’re all doing our best to acclimate to unique circumstances. As COVID-19 continues to impact our ability to gather, most of us are still wondering how to proceed in many areas.

At Fox Monuments, we’ve served Long Island’s Jewish community for several decades. Our primary goal is to guide and support families throughout some of the most painful and difficult phases. In this post, we’ll explore shiva and funeral safety in the time of COVID-19.

What is Shiva?

As most of us know, within the Jewish faith, the body of the deceased is buried immediately. Then, for up to seven days after, the bereaved family receives visitors and mourners in their home. Extended family, friends and neighbors visit the home to gather and pay their respects throughout the shiva period.

Usually, the shiva is in the home of the deceased, or one of their family members. Very often, those attending wear torn garments or black ribbon to reflect their state of mourning. Many bring food in order to console the grieving family.

Traditionally, the shiva lasts seven days. In fact, in Hebrew, “shiva” means seven. However, most contemporary families condense shiva into a period of one to four days.

Shiva & Funerals Now

The recent spread of coronavirus makes planning gatherings particularly difficult nowadays. We’re all being encouraged to maintain social distancing and limit gatherings to fewer than ten people. In addition, it seems as if there are new official guidelines and policies on a daily basis. It’s hard to avoid total confusion in the midst of so much uncertainty.

For grieving families, the inability to gather with other mourners can be doubly difficult. Obviously, our natural inclination is to provide support to those who have lost loved ones. Having to compromise on funerals after losing a loved one can be very painful and disorienting.

Unfortunately, right now we have no official policy in place when it comes to shiva and funerals. However, in New York we’re currently limited to gatherings of ten people or less. While this can be frustrating, the safety of our community is paramount.

Keeping Shiva Safe

There are ways to host shiva safely. First, you can regulate the flow of guests by allocating specific times for certain visitors. This way, you’ll be able to limit the amount of people in your home and keep it below ten. Stay in touch with friends and family and decide on a schedule.

In addition, encourage everyone to wear face coverings. Admittedly, this may seem very counterintuitive, especially for mourning attire. However, it’s very necessary at the moment to preventing the spread of COVID-19. Also, be sure to have everyone wash their hands and maintain distances of six feet or more. Implementing these practices might seem like an additional burden. But, they’re a way to ensure you can both honor your faith and keep your community safe.

Fox Monuments

Fox Monuments has always strived to honor the Jewish tradition with gorgeous, custom monuments. Our work is about paying tribute to the Jewish faith and honoring the lives of your loved ones with enduring memorials. No matter what kind of hardships we may collectively face, we’ll maintain our commitment to serving our community.

Losing a loved one is devastating. At Fox Monuments, we know just how profound a loss it can be. Losing friends or family members is always incredibly painful and it’s usually the worst time in someone’s life. Obviously, we all know how difficult this kind of loss can be. That’s why when a friend loses a loved one, we want to do everything we can to support them. However, many of us simply don’t know what to say or do.

It can often be difficult trying to find the right thing to say or do to give our friends the condolences and support we feel they deserve. Unfortunately, sometimes words and gestures that come from a genuine desire to help can do unintended damage. Often, they can backfire and just exacerbate the pain of a loss. In this post, we’ll discuss some tactful and supportive etiquette that can help a friend through their grief. Keep reading to find out more.
 

What You Should Do or Say

First and foremost, don’t be afraid to express your condolences or give them a hug. Often, we’re afraid to remind them of their loss. However, the odds are they haven’t exactly forgotten about it. No need for anything over the top, but do or say something. But by reminding them that you care, you’ll be doing a great deal to help them.

Next, be sure to listen, listen, listen. Once you express your sympathy, be an observer. If they don’t want to talk about it anymore, they’ll let you now. Remember: let them move things in the direction they decide. Don’t press them to keep discussing a topic that’s obviously very painful.

It can be an enormous help to get support from somebody who recently went through a similar experience. Additionally, this is much better than simply leaving it at: “I know how you feel.” If they’ve lost a spouse, it can be very helpful for them to see how someone else is dealing with a similar loss. However, never do this without asking them first if they’d find it helpful.

Keep in mind that small gestures can be a huge help. Not every attempt to help has to be grand. Try the occasional text message, phone call or email, maybe bring food or flowers over every once in a while. This series of small gestures can have a massive and profound collective impact.
 

What You Shouldn’t Do or Say

Without a doubt, you should never diminish the loss. While you might feel extreme discomfort at seeing someone you love in pain, minimizing the loss never helps. However, this doesn’t mean you should avoid focusing on the positive impact of a person’s life. Don’t focus only on past events, though – this can often make the pain worse.

On the flip side of that, it’s equally important to never overdramatize the loss. Statements like “I don’t know how you’ll ever live without them” serve absolutely no purpose. In addition, they negate the truth. Ultimately, they will have to find their way without them.

Remember to ask, don’t tell. Whenever you see them, ask them how it’s going, instead of making observations like “you look amazing” or “you look like you’re having a hard time.” Those are all subjective statements that can often make them feel conflicted. They may not feel that way, or may have no idea of how they feel and might begin questioning their ability to grieve “the right way.” Anyway, there’s no rigid itinerary for grief. Try not to make them feel like they’re going too quickly or too slowly.
 

Fox Monuments of Long Island

At Fox Monuments, we’ve served Long Island’s Jewish community throughout times of grief for years. We know how painful and disorienting it can be, and strive to provide a service that greatly eases the burden. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are definitely advisable ways to console and support our friends.

For more information on Fox Monuments or our services, contact us today.