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Fox Monuments has proudly served Long Island’s Jewish community for decades. We continuously work hard to provide guidance, support and compassion during exceptionally difficult times of grief. Of course, we’ve done our very best to honor the numerous Jewish customs and traditions surrounding death and burial.

Within the history of the Jewish faith, there are many guidelines surrounding the appropriate response to a loved one’s death. Some of these traditions concern the burial process. Others concern the Jewish headstone unveiling with beautifully-inscribed symbols. However, Jewish people also adhere to a mourning process divided into stages. Usually, we refer to them as the “Stages of Mourning.”

In this post, we’ll provide some general tips on finding strength and support during each specific phase of the mourning process.

Aninut: The First Stage

During this early phase of the mourning process, you’ll very likely feel numb disbelief. Many mourners in this stage simply find the loss hard to believe. In fact, the first stage of mourning is very often characterized by shock and an inability to process the reality of the loss.

During this stage, Jewish tradition encourages us to try and confront and acknowledge any feelings of grief or despair we may feel. There are no expectations on Jewish mourners during this phase. Specifically, this means that mourners generally are not expected to say blessings or engage in daily prayers. Their primary focus should, essentially, be on planning the funeral and giving their loved one the most honorable farewell possible.

But above all, this stage’s most important step is one coming to terms with the painful reality of their loss. Within Judaism, the holy texts acknowledge that we can’t exorcise the pain while our departed loved one remains before us.

Shiva: The Second Stage

Of course, shiva is an integral aspect of not only Jewish mourning, but the Jewish faith as a whole. To this day, it remains a definitive practice and an essential way for mourners to process their grief and receive the support they need from friends and family.

Sitting shiva enables you to pause, reflect, and allow the reality of your loss to resonate properly. Throughout shiva, close family generally remain at home as a steady stream of friends and family visit to pay their respects. An essential step throughout this stage is to talk openly about the deceased. Specifically, discussing the impact of the death, the days and weeks directly before it, as well as fond memories and reflections of your time together. This actually has an unexpected benefit: revisiting this narrative repeatedly will make the reality of their loss resonate faster. And while this is painful, this is actually integral to the healing process.

Shloshim: The Third Stage

Following shiva, custom dictates that we should take a brief walk outside. This, in effect, represents our reintegration into society. Additionally, a short stroll outdoors is an effective transition into Shloshim, the next three weeks. Of course, there is, more often than not, lingering feelings of grief and despair. However, the severity of our bereavement usually begins to slowly dissipate and become less intense. It’s important to remember that it’s very normal to still feel sad and very emotional during this stage.

Also, keep in mind that just because the first couple of stages of mourning are over, that doesn’t eliminate our need to cope. Keep reaching out to friends and family for support whenever you feel the need to.

Yahrzeit: The Fourth Stage

Traditionally, the “official” mourning process concludes with Shloshim. And for those mourning their mother or father, usually the process persists for another ten months.

Of course, losing a parent isn’t the only kind of loss that will leave an enduring emotional effect. And nobody expects you to be “done mourning” in thirty days. Truthfully, the entire first year can be exceptionally difficult and emotionally turbulent. It often becomes a lot more challenging as we try to cope with the consistent demands of our lives. Creating unique mourning rituals can help us heal from any lingering heartache.

Don’t feel “wrong” if your pain continues throughout the year, particularly on holidays or birthdays. Continue reaching out to friends for support. Also, just because some days are less challenging doesn’t mean there won’t be more difficult days. Healing from a painful loss isn’t a straight line and everyone recovers differently.

Conclusion – Fox Monuments

At Fox Monuments, our primary goal has always been to provide as much comfort to mourning families as we can. We make every effort to remain respectful to and considerate of the grieving process as you order your Jewish headstone.

We take great pride in helping families through difficult times, and with minimal stress. Contact us to learn more about how we can craft a beautiful monument for your loved one.

At Fox Monuments, we help Long Island’s Jewish families in difficult and stressful periods. By crafting Jewish monuments for departed loved ones, we help grieving families pay tribute to their heritage and religion. Naturally, the afterlife is often the primary focus of conversations about religion. Christianity has a fairly black-and-white answer to these questions. However, Judaism has a much more nuanced and complex response. Nonetheless, the Jewish afterlife is a critical element of religion as a whole.

 

Ambiguous Scripture: Sheol

Unlike Christianity, Jewish text doesn’t explicitly detail the concept of an afterlife. Nonetheless, after burying the deceased in front of a Jewish monument, there is no sense of uncertainty surrounding their spiritual path.

The Torah alludes to a life following existence on earth. This afterlife, which takes place in the Sheol, is a space where souls go immediately after death. While there’s nothing that describes this explicitly, many people living during this era were familiar with this. There are clues that indicate that Sheol was in the center of the earth, but no hard evidence. Therefore, after burial, people believe their souls would journey to this place.

The idea that it was a temporary resting location was central to the Sheol. Eventually, during the judgement day, God would wake those deemed worthy from sleep, and live forever. This somewhat coincides with the ideas behind the symbols present on Jewish headstones.

 

Messianic Era: Resurrection

The next distinct era in terms of Jewish thought regarding the afterlife developed around the time that Christianity emerged.

The primary belief behind this idea was that the resurrection would take place during the Messianic Era, or shortly thereafter. There is even more confusion regarding who would be resurrected. Some people held belief that everyone would experience resurrection. Others thought that only the righteous would be. Either way, a proper burial with a Jewish monument was still important.

 

The World To Come

Most often, this is the language believers associate with the concept of an afterlife in Hebrew writings.

In early sources of study for rabbis, the “World to Come” is mentioned, as a highly spiritual realm. It is also compared to desirable physical sensations, like sex. Regardless, for entry into this World to Come, Jewish people must be buried with proper Jewish monuments.

Scholars who have interpreted these texts have specific interpretations about the World to Come. Some believe that the World to Come is during the resurrection. In this line of thinking, the righteous would enjoy living after the event. However, others believed that the World to Come would arrive even after the Resurrection, with all of those who were resurrected. This school of thought posits that those participating would die a second death.

After that, they’d experience the bliss of the World to Come in a purely spiritual sense. The third interpretation states that this bliss would immediately follow life. For this reason, people pay close attention to the design of Jewish monuments.

One ancient tradition of designating a person to protect the body is still relevant today. Called Shemira, this practice requires a non-family member to protect the body before it is buried. In order to pay tribute to deceased relatives in the afterlife, lighting Yahrzeit candles is a common practice.

 

Do Heaven and Hell Exist in Jewish Writings?

The concepts behind Heaven and Hell in Judaism are not as specific as those in other religions. There is apocalyptic language that suggests a concept very similar to Hell. Called Gehinnom, Jewish texts describe this place where non-righteous people go as being fiery and dark.

Jewish people believe that life doesn’t end. Rather than dying, the Torah suggested that Abraham went to rest with his fathers. Similarly, the Talmud text relates the stories of people who travelled to and from this spiritual destination.

 

Modern Schools of Thought

In modern times, most sects of Judaism believe in the World to Come within these scriptures. In accordance with these beliefs, they also agree with the concept of a Judgement Day. Despite this, there is uncertainty between sects about exactly how the Judgement Day will unfold. As a way of paying tribute to the deceased, and helping them reach the afterlife, hosting a proper Jewish memorial service is essential.

Orthodox Jews maintain belief that physical bodies (rather than the soul) will be resurrected on the Judgement Day.

 

Jewish Monuments

To truly capture the legacy of your loved one’s life, an exquisitely-crafted Jewish memorial is the perfect first step. Our artisan designers can create a beautiful testament to your loved one’s life.

Offering full design, creation and setting services, Fox Monuments can take care of the whole process for your loved one. For more information, contact us today!

The cemetery is the final resting place for a loved one. In order for the bond developed through life to continue in the afterlife, many families prefer to be buried in the same cemetery. It’s also common for married couples to arrange for burial in the same cemetery plot. The double Jewish monument allows couples to be buried with a bashert, a lifelong partner. Read on to learn how the double monument ordering process works, and how the second side is inscribed later on.

 

 

How Are Double Jewish Headstones Designed?

The layout of the headstone inscription can vary based on the particular choices made by the family.

Last Name

Most couples who choose this option share a last name. So, unlike single monuments, the last name is placed at the top of the double monument, apart from the rest of the inscription. The rest of the inscription is specific to each partner, and placed on either side.

First Name

The first name for each individual is inscribed at the top of both sides of the monument. Sometimes, the first name will be preceded by the Hebrew phrase “ פּ״נ”, which translates to “Here lies”. Depending on personal preference, the name may also be
inscribed in Hebrew.

Symbols

There are a wide variety of Jewish Symbols Jewish symbols that have meaning and significance on headstones. On double Jewish monuments, it’s common to place symbols on either side of the last name, between the two sides of the monument, or alongside the individual’s first name. However, this decision is left up to the family. Common Jewish headstone symbols include the Menorah, the Star of David, and the Torah.

Family Relationships

When creating the inscription for a double Jewish headstone, many families choose to include the relationships of the deceased. For example, grandparents may have “beloved grandfather” inscribed on the headstone. This reminds visitors of the role that they played in life.

Dates

The birth and death dates signify the beginning and end of life on earth. While this placement can vary, they are generally placed below either the name, or the relationships.

Epitaph

An epitaph can offer a meaningful insight into one’s life through a quote, poem, snippet of scripture, or song lyrics. On double Jewish headstones, the epitaph is placed below everything else. Depending on the size of the monument, the couple might instead have one epitaph at the bottom.

 

How Is the Second Side of a Double Jewish Monument Inscribed?

For families who choose to order a double Jewish headstone, this is a common question. Because the headstone is placed in the ground after the first person passes away, the second side of the headstone is not always inscribed. At the very least, it will not have the date of death. These details can be added without removing the monument from the cemetery.

Our monument engravers can match the style of the existing text and add in the new lettering. Before doing so, they will render a proof of how the finished monument will appear, to ensure accuracy.

 

Double Jewish Headstones Long Island

Fox Monuments is wholly committed to helping families make arrangements with minimal difficulty. Our staff is dedicated to helping you create a lasting and fitting monument that will commemorate your loved one.

As one of the oldest religions in practice today, Judaism has very specific, ancient burial guidelines. These customs typically begin immediately following the death of a loved one. And they don’t end until the mourning period concludes, following the Unveiling Ceremony.

It’s important for people who are adhering to these guidelines, whether by family tradition or out of respect for the individual’s religious customs, to follow these traditions closely. Each tradition carries great spiritual significance, and while there is some degree of flexibility, most of these customs have remained the same for centuries.

Jewish Funerals

Jewish Mourning Period

 

• Headstone Unveiling: While Jewish customs do require a marked headstone, they do not require an unveiling. Many families do, however, choose to hold an unveiling because of the sentimental value. The family of the deceased hold a ceremony to unveil the headstone to close family and friends. This usually takes place around the time of the first Yahrzeit.
• Yahrzeit: The first anniversary of one’s passing, the Yahrzeit is a time of remembrance for the family. The headstone is usually unveiled. The most prominent tradition is lighting a candle for 24 hours in honor of their memory. Many families also recite the Kaddish prayer.

Selecting Jewish Monuments

Before ordering a monument, it’s important to consider a few variables. If the deceased person was married, then their spouse might elect to order a double headstone. This ensures a pre-designated plot and headstone, and traditionally, symbolizes an eternal bond. However, this arrangement is not required by the Jewish traditions. Jewish monuments also typically have Hebrew prayers and Jewish symbols inscribed onto them.

With great respect and admiration for Jewish customs, our monument company understands how to help families honor Jewish burial traditions. We can guide you through this process in a respectful way.

Jewish religion and culture rely heavily on the unity of family. And, this custom extends into the grieving process as well. To abide by ancient customs, the Jewish funeral generally takes place as soon as possible after the death of a loved one. This helps the family to constructively process this grief, and move on with renewed strength thanks to love and support. In this blog post, we’ll describe the various parts of the Jewish funeral.

 

 

The Jewish Funeral Ceremony

Like the location of the funeral service, the format of the funeral can vary as well. There is no one accepted structure, but most funerals have these elements.

The Tearing of the Clothing

Before the service begins, the mourners traditionally gather in a separate room and rend their clothing. This custom, called keriah, is a physical expression of the grief that the mourners are feeling. In many circles, rather than ripping the garments, mourners will instead place a black ribbon that signifies their loss on the clothing.

During the eulogy, the speaker remarks on the significance and importance of the deceased individual. The family generally provides the rabbi with information about the deceased, so that the eulogy can be personal. They may discuss important moments spent with family, or their loving and devoted mindset. Highlighting personal accomplishments is another common part of eulogies.

It is also common for family members to eulogize their loved ones. In some circles, family members instead give eulogies during the home prayer service.

Memorial Prayer

The El Malei Rachamim prayer requests peace for the deceased individual from God, asking him to remember their righteous deeds. The congregation in attendance chants this prayer, affirming that the deceased is “sheltered beneath the wings of God’s presence.”

 

At the Site of the Grave

After chanting the memorial prayer in unison, the mourners then move to the site of the grave and the Jewish monument. This procession normally happens as a group. This procession normally stops either three or seven times to signify the mourners’ difficulty in saying goodbye.

Prayers at the Gravesite

Once the funeral procession has reached the gravesite and the Jewish monument, they then begin praying. This series of prayers may include the El Malei Rechamim, as well as other memorial prayers.

 

Jewish Monuments on Long Island

At Fox Monuments, we are dedicated to creating headstones that accurately commemorate your loved ones. Our team is always available to offer support and guide you through the decision making process.

For followers of Judaism, honoring the spirit and memory of the deceased is paramount. In addition to planning a Jewish memorial and purchasing a Jewish monument, Jewish people also celebrate the Yahrzeit. Reciting the Kaddish, which is a prayer for the deceased, is another important Jewish burial tradition. Read on to learn more about the significance of the Kaddish prayer in modern-day Judaism.

What is the Kaddish Prayer?

The Kaddish prayer is one of the most important within the entire scope of Judaism. In fact, the Kaddish prayer is equally (if not more) important as the Jewish monument unveiling ceremony. The Kaddish prayer is a way for Jewish people to offer praise to God, and thank Him for all of life’s experiences. In doing so, this prayer also expresses and articulates the value of life, presenting God as a peaceful and benevolent ruler of the Earth.

While the Kaddish is always a significant prayer during service, it carries additional significance during times of grief. According to Jewish tradition, each member of the Jewish faith has a certain sense of Godliness. After an individual passes, this radiance or presence becomes slightly diminished. Reciting the Kaddish restores the presence of God within the world, in an homage to the memory of the deceased.

In order to recite the Kaddish, 13 Jewish men must make a quorum. This is because there are several responses that benefit from group participation. The Jewish monument unveiling ceremony requires the same quorum, when the rabbi reads the Kaddish.

The Mourner’s Kaddish

The Mourner’s Kaddish is a slight variant of the traditional Kaddish prayer that one recites during Jewish services. While the standard Kaddish prayer requires a quorum, the Mourner’s Kaddish is to be an individual activity.

Like other stages of mourning, the Mourner’s Kaddish is to help the family of the deceased come to terms with their passing. The Mourner’s Kaddish does not allude to the deceased individual, or even the concept of death. Instead, it is a celebration of life, and all that God has to offer.

After a parent passes, the son says the Kaddish for 11 months. In doing so, he will demonstrate to God the importance of spirituality, and that his parents raised a faithful child. Additionally, it is great praise for a child to be so devoted in prayer to the welfare of his family. This period ends with the Yahrzeit, when the family unveils the Jewish monument.

Jews should also recite the Kaddish for other family members. After the passing of a child, sibling or spouse, Jews should recite the Kaddish for 30 days.

The Kaddish also encourages a community environment. This has many psychological benefits, especially for mourners.

In some cases, there is not a son that is able to carry these important duties out. Customarily, the family may ask another relative to pray in the stead of a son. When this is not possible, they may hire somebody to say the Mourner’s Kaddish.

Aside from especially traditional sects of Judaism (such as Orthodox Jews), women are permitted to recite the Kaddish.

Reciting the Kaddish on the Yahrzeit

The Yahrzeit is another important opportunity to honor the deceased members of the family. It occurs each year following the death of a relative, and gives the family the opportunity to thank the deceased for positive memories.

What is the Origin of the Kaddish Prayer?

Originally written in Aramaic, a language related to Hebrew, the writers of the Kaddish prayer intended for the masses to understand the Kaddish prayer. In fact, it’s origin dates back as far as the Talmud. Formerly, Jews called it the Orphan’s Kaddish, reserving it for children to pray for parents.

Long Island Jewish Monuments

At Fox Monuments, we are dedicated to crafting beautiful and meaningful Jewish monuments for our Long Island customers. Utilizing Jewish headstone symbols, all of our monuments are created to serve as a lasting testament to an individual’s life. Contact us to learn more about our Jewish monuments.

Fox Monuments has served Long Island’s Jewish community for decades. We’ve provided guidance and support throughout difficult times of grieving. Naturally, we’ve done our best to honor the many Jewish customs and traditions surrounding death and burial.

In the Jewish faith, there are specific guidelines surrounding the appropriate response to a death in the family. Some of these traditions concern the burial process. Others concern the unveiling of the Jewish headstone with beautifully inscribed symbols. However, Jewish people also have a structured mourning process. These phases exist in part because of tradition. They’re also a natural way to ease the transition. In this post, we’ll outline the five stages of the grieving process.

 

 

Shiva: The Second Stage

Lasting for seven days after burial, the Shiva is the second stage in the mourning process. During this time, the immediate family of the dead sits Shiva in their home. They may also sit Shiva in the home of the deceased. Friends and family members visit to offer their condolences. This is called “sitting Shiva”.

 

Yahrzeit: The Fourth Stage

While not technically a stage, the Yahrzeit marks the end of the initial grieving process. Mourners commemorate the death of their loved ones by lighting a candle, symbolizing eternal love and remembrance. The Yahrzeit candle is one of the most important parts of paying tribute to a loved one.

In addition to lighting the Yahrzeit candle, the Yahrzeit carries more significance. Family members recite the Mourner’s Kaddish. Finally, the Jewish headstone receives an inscription.

Shneim Asar Chodesh

For Jewish people who have lost a parent and wish to adhere to tradition, the Shloshim practices may last longer. Those who follow the Shneim Asar Chodesh continue to refrain from fun activities.

What is Avelut?

Avelut is not a stage of mourning, but rather describes the process as a whole. Avelut encompasses the various phases of mourning, including Shiva, Shloshim, and for some, the year of mourning.

 

Conclusion

At Fox Monuments, our primary goal has always been to provide as much comfort to mourning families as we can. We make every effort to remain respectful to and considerate of the grieving process as you order your Jewish headstone.

We take great pride in helping families through difficult times, and with minimal stress. Contact us to learn more about how we can craft a beautiful monument for your loved one.

Burying the body as soon as possible after death is central to Jewish burial traditions. Doing so allows the family and friends of the deceased to begin their progression along the Jewish mourning process. But, before the body can be buried, it must be cleaned. This practice, called Taharah, is an important element of preparing for burial. In this blog post, we’ll discuss the spiritual significance of Taharah, and why the body should be cleaned before being buried with the Jewish monument.

 

Who is Tasked with Cleaning the Body?

Cleaning the body in the Jewish funeral tradition is considered a high honor. And, it is not bestowed upon family members, or even close friends. Rather, individuals who are part of chevra kadisha societies are charged with cleaning the body of deceased individuals.

These societies do maintain and follow their own strict guiding procedures as well. First, people are only allowed to wash bodies of the same gender. Men may only wash men, and women may only wash women. This custom exists to maintain a level of modesty, even in death. To prevent additional grief during a time of extreme sadness, family members are not asked to participate in this tradition. Like the process of the rabbi leading the Kaddish prayer alongside the Jewish headstone, the chevra kadisha perform this prayer in a practiced manner.

The members of the chevra kadisha who are performing the ritual also recite prayers and psalms, with the goal of sending the spirit into the afterlife in a fully cleansed state. Once the body has been fully cleaned, the chevra kadisha place a prayer shawl or other religious garment over the body. While being buried beneath the Jewish headstone, the individual traditionally wears this garment.

In order to find members of the chevra kadisha in your area, you should consult your rabbi.

 

Who Watches the Body Before it is Cleaned?

From the time of death until the time of burial alongside the Jewish monument, the body of a deceased individual is never left alone. This custom, called Shemira, began as a way to prevent thieves and animals from tampering with the body. Now, it lives on as a way to show respect to and comfort the deceased, while also comforting the family.

The individual who guards the body is called a shomer. Shomers are either selected from a chevra kadisha, or from the congregation. While guarding the body of the deceased, shomers are restricted from eating, drinking, and other recreational activities, as a sign of respect.

So, before the body is washed by the chevra kadisha, it is watched over by one or several shomers. While this practice is not as common in modern times as it once was, Orthodox Jews generally still follow this tradition, along with the Jewish headstone unveiling tradition.

 

What is the Spiritual Significance of Washing the Body?

Taharah is also an expression of the cyclicality of life. Following birth, newborn children are washed, to attain a level of spiritual purity. Taharah enables deceased individuals to depart from this world with that same level of purity.

The process of the taharah reflects its spiritual importance. The individual performing the cleaning also recites prayers, asking God to forgive any sins committed by the deceased. These prayers also ask God to watch over the deceased.

 

 

Understanding Jewish Monument Traditions

At Fox Monuments, we are prepared to help you through this process at every step of the way. Our experienced team will guide you through the memorial purchasing process, and give you the information you need to make informed decisions. Contact us to begin ordering a monument, or check out our selection.

Fox Monuments, as a provider of Jewish headstones, understands the significance of family to people of the Jewish faith. We also deeply respect the practice of paying tribute to and commemorating deceased loved ones. Jewish traditions are critical to the stages of mourning and burial.

In the Jewish faith, these cultural traditions extend well beyond the time of death. Yahrzeit candles are central to this tradition, with great significance to the grieving process.

When is the Appropriate Time to Light Yahrzeit Candles?

Yahrzeit candles are lit at sundown on the eve of the Yahrzeit, or the anniversary of a loved one’s death. They’re also lit at sundown on religious holidays, such as Yom Kippur, Sukkoth, Passover and Shavuot.

These candles should burn naturally until they cannot anymore, rather than being extinguished. It’s acceptable to light a Yahrzeit candle on the day of the anniversary if you forget the night before.

It is also customary to burn a Yahrzeit candle throughout the Shiva.

Who Should Light The Candles?

In a similar vein to the burial and installation of a Jewish headstone, Yahrzeit candles are generally reserved for immediate family members. This includes spouses, parents and children. Each family member should light a candle, unless they live in the same household. They should do this for each family member who has passed on.

 

Are There any Accompanying Customs?

There is no specific prayer the Jewish faith requires during a Yahrzeit. However, saying the Mourner’s Kaddish is a common tradition in some families.

There are many celebrated readings that mourners recite at Jewish memorials. It’s important to remember the life and legacy of those you lost when selecting a poem or text to read during the service. Whichever piece (or pieces) best reflects your loved one is the optimal one to read aloud.

It is customary to honor the memory of the deceased during this time. Reflection on the positive memories of your loved ones, and the happy times you shared, is a fitting tribute for their life. Sharing the positive stories of your loved ones will keep their memory alive forever.

 

Conclusion

At Fox Monuments, our primary goal has always been to provide as much comfort and support to mourning families as we can. We make every effort to remain respectful to and considerate of the grieving process as you order your Jewish headstone.

We take great pride in helping families through difficult times, and with minimal stress. Contact us to learn more about how we can craft a beautiful monument for your loved one.

When a friend, co-worker, neighbor, or family member suffers a loss, our instinct is to help. It is a natural response—an impulse to comfort and provide support in any way we can. Our hearts ache for them, and we want to ease their burden, giving them strength and support during this difficult time. Often, this instinct leads us to send a gift or gesture of sympathy, such as food, flowers, or other tokens of care.

However, when supporting a family of Jewish faith, it is important to approach the situation with knowledge of their customs and traditions. Judaism is a deeply rooted, globally-practiced religion, with detailed observances surrounding death, mourning, and memorials. What might be considered thoughtful in one culture can unintentionally conflict with Jewish mourning practices.

This post will guide you through the types of gifts and gestures that are appropriate—and inappropriate—when expressing sympathy to a Jewish family. By understanding the customs of Jewish mourning, you can provide meaningful support without inadvertently causing discomfort or offense.

Understanding Jewish Mourning Practices

Before discussing gifts, it is important to understand the structure of Jewish mourning. Judaism approaches death with dignity, ritual, and communal support. Mourning practices are designed to honor the deceased, comfort the bereaved, and gradually help the family reintegrate into daily life while maintaining respect for the memory of the loved one.

Some key Jewish mourning practices include:

• Shiva: The first week after burial, where family members sit at home and receive visitors offering condolences. Shiva provides an opportunity for communal support and reflection.
• Shloshim: The first thirty days after the burial. Mourning is somewhat less intense, but still observed with specific customs.
• Yahrzeit: The annual anniversary of a loved one’s passing, often marked by lighting a candle and reciting prayers.
• Unveiling Ceremony: A formal dedication of the headstone, typically held months after the burial.

Understanding these observances is critical, as certain gestures that are standard in other cultures—such as sending flowers—can conflict with Jewish traditions.

Why Flowers Are Not Appropriate

In many cultures, sending flowers is a common gesture of sympathy. However, in Jewish tradition, flowers generally do not play a role in mourning or funeral customs. There are several reasons for this:

• Focus on permanence: Judaism emphasizes lasting remembrance, symbolized by placing stones on graves rather than temporary items like flowers. A stone signifies enduring memory, continuity, and stability.
• Non-disruption of mourning: Flowers are often viewed as bright, celebratory, and decorative—qualities that can feel incongruous with the solemnity of mourning. Receiving flowers at a Jewish home during Shiva may unintentionally distract from the grieving process.
• Practicality: Families sitting Shiva are often occupied with hosting visitors, reciting prayers, and observing rituals. Flowers require care and placement, which may add an unintended burden.

In fact, many Jewish funeral etiquette sources strongly advise against flowers at funerals, graves, or Shiva visits. Sending flowers, though well-intentioned, may be perceived as insensitive or out of touch with Jewish mourning traditions.

Alternative Ways to Support a Jewish Family in Mourning

If flowers are not appropriate, what can you do to express sympathy in a way that honors Jewish customs? Fortunately, there are thoughtful alternatives that provide real comfort and assistance to grieving families:

1. Sending Food or Care Packages

Food is one of the most meaningful ways to support a family during Shiva. Preparing or sending meals ensures that mourners do not have to worry about daily sustenance while focusing on prayers, reflection, and receiving visitors.

Common Shiva care packages include:

• Pastries, breads, and baked goods
• Fresh fruit and nuts
• Coffee, tea, or other beverages
• Candies, chocolates, or other small treats
• Prepared meals such as meat, fish, or vegetarian platters
• Salads, sides, and condiments

Families often appreciate when meals are kosher, but even non-kosher foods can be useful depending on the household. When in doubt, ask the funeral home or family if there are dietary restrictions.

For an extra special gesture, some friends and neighbors arrange full catering or meal delivery services for the family during Shiva. This approach can be especially helpful for larger gatherings or when family members live far away and are unable to help in person.

2. Donations in Memory of the Deceased

Charitable giving, known as Tzedakah, is a core value in Judaism. Making a donation in memory of the deceased is both respectful and meaningful. Common types of donations include:

• Contributions to synagogues, schools, or religious organizations
• Support for social service programs such as hospitals, shelters, or food banks
• Scholarships or educational funds in the deceased’s name

When making a donation, it is customary to inform the family of the contribution, either through a card or a personal message. This shows that you have honored their loved one’s memory in a tangible and enduring way.

3. Offering Practical Help

In addition to gifts and care packages, practical assistance can be invaluable. Offering to help with tasks such as grocery shopping, cleaning, or childcare allows the family to focus on mourning. Even simple gestures, like running errands or helping with synagogue arrangements, can make a profound difference during the grieving process.

Respecting Shiva Visits

Shiva is the most intensive period of mourning and involves a defined set of rituals. Visitors are encouraged to offer support and comfort, but there are cultural nuances to keep in mind:

• Dress modestly and conservatively
• Offer condolences with simple phrases like “May their memory be a blessing”
• Do not ask intrusive questions about the death or circumstances
• Participate in prayers or readings respectfully if invited
• Bring food or a small token of comfort rather than flowers

By following these guidelines, visitors can help honor the mourning process and provide genuine support to the family.

Honoring the Memory of the Deceased

Jewish mourning practices emphasize memory and legacy. Beyond immediate condolences, there are many ways to honor a loved one over time:

• Lighting a Yahrzeit candle on the anniversary of the death
• Participating in memorial services and synagogue prayers
• Visiting the grave and placing a stone in remembrance
• Supporting causes or charities that were important to the deceased

These practices not only preserve the memory of the departed but also provide comfort and a sense of connection for the family. By understanding these customs, friends and neighbors can align their gestures with Jewish traditions in a thoughtful way.

Conclusion

The term Tzedakah translates to “righteous giving” in Hebrew, highlighting the importance of compassion, generosity, and support in Judaism. These values extend naturally into the practice of comforting those in mourning. While flowers are typically inappropriate, gifts of food, care packages, charitable donations, and practical assistance are meaningful ways to support grieving Jewish families.

At Fox Memorials, we are proud to serve Long Island’s Jewish community by providing monuments and memorial services that honor both faith and legacy. Our decades of experience ensure that every family receives the highest quality service, preserving the memory of their loved one in a way that is respectful, beautiful, and enduring. By understanding and respecting Jewish mourning customs, you can offer support in a way that truly makes a difference during life’s most difficult moments.

Remember, the most valuable gift you can give a grieving family is your presence, compassion, and respect for their traditions. Whether through food, practical help, or charitable giving, your support helps families navigate their mourning with dignity, strength, and love.