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Fox Monuments has proudly served Long Island’s Jewish community for decades. We continuously work hard to provide guidance, support and compassion during exceptionally difficult times of grief. Of course, we’ve done our very best to honor the numerous Jewish customs and traditions surrounding death and burial.

Within the history of the Jewish faith, there are many guidelines surrounding the appropriate response to a loved one’s death. Some of these traditions concern the burial process. Others concern the Jewish headstone unveiling with beautifully-inscribed symbols. However, Jewish people also adhere to a mourning process divided into stages. Usually, we refer to them as the “Stages of Mourning.”

In this post, we’ll provide some general tips on finding strength and support during each specific phase of the mourning process.

Aninut: The First Stage

During this early phase of the mourning process, you’ll very likely feel numb disbelief. Many mourners in this stage simply find the loss hard to believe. In fact, the first stage of mourning is very often characterized by shock and an inability to process the reality of the loss.

During this stage, Jewish tradition encourages us to try and confront and acknowledge any feelings of grief or despair we may feel. There are no expectations on Jewish mourners during this phase. Specifically, this means that mourners generally are not expected to say blessings or engage in daily prayers. Their primary focus should, essentially, be on planning the funeral and giving their loved one the most honorable farewell possible.

But above all, this stage’s most important step is one coming to terms with the painful reality of their loss. Within Judaism, the holy texts acknowledge that we can’t exorcise the pain while our departed loved one remains before us.

Shiva: The Second Stage

Of course, shiva is an integral aspect of not only Jewish mourning, but the Jewish faith as a whole. To this day, it remains a definitive practice and an essential way for mourners to process their grief and receive the support they need from friends and family.

Sitting shiva enables you to pause, reflect, and allow the reality of your loss to resonate properly. Throughout shiva, close family generally remain at home as a steady stream of friends and family visit to pay their respects. An essential step throughout this stage is to talk openly about the deceased. Specifically, discussing the impact of the death, the days and weeks directly before it, as well as fond memories and reflections of your time together. This actually has an unexpected benefit: revisiting this narrative repeatedly will make the reality of their loss resonate faster. And while this is painful, this is actually integral to the healing process.

Shloshim: The Third Stage

Following shiva, custom dictates that we should take a brief walk outside. This, in effect, represents our reintegration into society. Additionally, a short stroll outdoors is an effective transition into Shloshim, the next three weeks. Of course, there is, more often than not, lingering feelings of grief and despair. However, the severity of our bereavement usually begins to slowly dissipate and become less intense. It’s important to remember that it’s very normal to still feel sad and very emotional during this stage.

Also, keep in mind that just because the first couple of stages of mourning are over, that doesn’t eliminate our need to cope. Keep reaching out to friends and family for support whenever you feel the need to.

Yahrzeit: The Fourth Stage

Traditionally, the “official” mourning process concludes with Shloshim. And for those mourning their mother or father, usually the process persists for another ten months.

Of course, losing a parent isn’t the only kind of loss that will leave an enduring emotional effect. And nobody expects you to be “done mourning” in thirty days. Truthfully, the entire first year can be exceptionally difficult and emotionally turbulent. It often becomes a lot more challenging as we try to cope with the consistent demands of our lives. Creating unique mourning rituals can help us heal from any lingering heartache.

Don’t feel “wrong” if your pain continues throughout the year, particularly on holidays or birthdays. Continue reaching out to friends for support. Also, just because some days are less challenging doesn’t mean there won’t be more difficult days. Healing from a painful loss isn’t a straight line and everyone recovers differently.

Conclusion – Fox Monuments

At Fox Monuments, our primary goal has always been to provide as much comfort to mourning families as we can. We make every effort to remain respectful to and considerate of the grieving process as you order your Jewish headstone.

We take great pride in helping families through difficult times, and with minimal stress. Contact us to learn more about how we can craft a beautiful monument for your loved one.

At Fox Monuments, we help Long Island’s Jewish families in difficult and stressful periods. By crafting Jewish monuments for departed loved ones, we help grieving families pay tribute to their heritage and religion. Naturally, the afterlife is often the primary focus of conversations about religion. Christianity has a fairly black-and-white answer to these questions. However, Judaism has a much more nuanced and complex response. Nonetheless, the Jewish afterlife is a critical element of religion as a whole.

 

Ambiguous Scripture: Sheol

Unlike Christianity, Jewish text doesn’t explicitly detail the concept of an afterlife. Nonetheless, after burying the deceased in front of a Jewish monument, there is no sense of uncertainty surrounding their spiritual path.

The Torah alludes to a life following existence on earth. This afterlife, which takes place in the Sheol, is a space where souls go immediately after death. While there’s nothing that describes this explicitly, many people living during this era were familiar with this. There are clues that indicate that Sheol was in the center of the earth, but no hard evidence. Therefore, after burial, people believe their souls would journey to this place.

The idea that it was a temporary resting location was central to the Sheol. Eventually, during the judgement day, God would wake those deemed worthy from sleep, and live forever. This somewhat coincides with the ideas behind the symbols present on Jewish headstones.

 

Messianic Era: Resurrection

The next distinct era in terms of Jewish thought regarding the afterlife developed around the time that Christianity emerged.

The primary belief behind this idea was that the resurrection would take place during the Messianic Era, or shortly thereafter. There is even more confusion regarding who would be resurrected. Some people held belief that everyone would experience resurrection. Others thought that only the righteous would be. Either way, a proper burial with a Jewish monument was still important.

 

The World To Come

Most often, this is the language believers associate with the concept of an afterlife in Hebrew writings.

In early sources of study for rabbis, the “World to Come” is mentioned, as a highly spiritual realm. It is also compared to desirable physical sensations, like sex. Regardless, for entry into this World to Come, Jewish people must be buried with proper Jewish monuments.

Scholars who have interpreted these texts have specific interpretations about the World to Come. Some believe that the World to Come is during the resurrection. In this line of thinking, the righteous would enjoy living after the event. However, others believed that the World to Come would arrive even after the Resurrection, with all of those who were resurrected. This school of thought posits that those participating would die a second death.

After that, they’d experience the bliss of the World to Come in a purely spiritual sense. The third interpretation states that this bliss would immediately follow life. For this reason, people pay close attention to the design of Jewish monuments.

One ancient tradition of designating a person to protect the body is still relevant today. Called Shemira, this practice requires a non-family member to protect the body before it is buried. In order to pay tribute to deceased relatives in the afterlife, lighting Yahrzeit candles is a common practice.

 

Do Heaven and Hell Exist in Jewish Writings?

The concepts behind Heaven and Hell in Judaism are not as specific as those in other religions. There is apocalyptic language that suggests a concept very similar to Hell. Called Gehinnom, Jewish texts describe this place where non-righteous people go as being fiery and dark.

Jewish people believe that life doesn’t end. Rather than dying, the Torah suggested that Abraham went to rest with his fathers. Similarly, the Talmud text relates the stories of people who travelled to and from this spiritual destination.

 

Modern Schools of Thought

In modern times, most sects of Judaism believe in the World to Come within these scriptures. In accordance with these beliefs, they also agree with the concept of a Judgement Day. Despite this, there is uncertainty between sects about exactly how the Judgement Day will unfold. As a way of paying tribute to the deceased, and helping them reach the afterlife, hosting a proper Jewish memorial service is essential.

Orthodox Jews maintain belief that physical bodies (rather than the soul) will be resurrected on the Judgement Day.

 

Jewish Monuments

To truly capture the legacy of your loved one’s life, an exquisitely-crafted Jewish memorial is the perfect first step. Our artisan designers can create a beautiful testament to your loved one’s life.

Offering full design, creation and setting services, Fox Monuments can take care of the whole process for your loved one. For more information, contact us today!

For followers of Judaism, honoring the spirit and memory of the deceased is paramount. In addition to planning a Jewish memorial and purchasing a Jewish monument, Jewish people also celebrate the Yahrzeit. Reciting the Kaddish, which is a prayer for the deceased, is another important Jewish burial tradition. Read on to learn more about the significance of the Kaddish prayer in modern-day Judaism.

What is the Kaddish Prayer?

The Kaddish prayer is one of the most important within the entire scope of Judaism. In fact, the Kaddish prayer is equally (if not more) important as the Jewish monument unveiling ceremony. The Kaddish prayer is a way for Jewish people to offer praise to God, and thank Him for all of life’s experiences. In doing so, this prayer also expresses and articulates the value of life, presenting God as a peaceful and benevolent ruler of the Earth.

While the Kaddish is always a significant prayer during service, it carries additional significance during times of grief. According to Jewish tradition, each member of the Jewish faith has a certain sense of Godliness. After an individual passes, this radiance or presence becomes slightly diminished. Reciting the Kaddish restores the presence of God within the world, in an homage to the memory of the deceased.

In order to recite the Kaddish, 13 Jewish men must make a quorum. This is because there are several responses that benefit from group participation. The Jewish monument unveiling ceremony requires the same quorum, when the rabbi reads the Kaddish.

The Mourner’s Kaddish

The Mourner’s Kaddish is a slight variant of the traditional Kaddish prayer that one recites during Jewish services. While the standard Kaddish prayer requires a quorum, the Mourner’s Kaddish is to be an individual activity.

Like other stages of mourning, the Mourner’s Kaddish is to help the family of the deceased come to terms with their passing. The Mourner’s Kaddish does not allude to the deceased individual, or even the concept of death. Instead, it is a celebration of life, and all that God has to offer.

After a parent passes, the son says the Kaddish for 11 months. In doing so, he will demonstrate to God the importance of spirituality, and that his parents raised a faithful child. Additionally, it is great praise for a child to be so devoted in prayer to the welfare of his family. This period ends with the Yahrzeit, when the family unveils the Jewish monument.

Jews should also recite the Kaddish for other family members. After the passing of a child, sibling or spouse, Jews should recite the Kaddish for 30 days.

The Kaddish also encourages a community environment. This has many psychological benefits, especially for mourners.

In some cases, there is not a son that is able to carry these important duties out. Customarily, the family may ask another relative to pray in the stead of a son. When this is not possible, they may hire somebody to say the Mourner’s Kaddish.

Aside from especially traditional sects of Judaism (such as Orthodox Jews), women are permitted to recite the Kaddish.

Reciting the Kaddish on the Yahrzeit

The Yahrzeit is another important opportunity to honor the deceased members of the family. It occurs each year following the death of a relative, and gives the family the opportunity to thank the deceased for positive memories.

What is the Origin of the Kaddish Prayer?

Originally written in Aramaic, a language related to Hebrew, the writers of the Kaddish prayer intended for the masses to understand the Kaddish prayer. In fact, it’s origin dates back as far as the Talmud. Formerly, Jews called it the Orphan’s Kaddish, reserving it for children to pray for parents.

Long Island Jewish Monuments

At Fox Monuments, we are dedicated to crafting beautiful and meaningful Jewish monuments for our Long Island customers. Utilizing Jewish headstone symbols, all of our monuments are created to serve as a lasting testament to an individual’s life. Contact us to learn more about our Jewish monuments.

Burying the body as soon as possible after death is central to Jewish burial traditions. Doing so allows the family and friends of the deceased to begin their progression along the Jewish mourning process. But, before the body can be buried, it must be cleaned. This practice, called Taharah, is an important element of preparing for burial. In this blog post, we’ll discuss the spiritual significance of Taharah, and why the body should be cleaned before being buried with the Jewish monument.

 

Who is Tasked with Cleaning the Body?

Cleaning the body in the Jewish funeral tradition is considered a high honor. And, it is not bestowed upon family members, or even close friends. Rather, individuals who are part of chevra kadisha societies are charged with cleaning the body of deceased individuals.

These societies do maintain and follow their own strict guiding procedures as well. First, people are only allowed to wash bodies of the same gender. Men may only wash men, and women may only wash women. This custom exists to maintain a level of modesty, even in death. To prevent additional grief during a time of extreme sadness, family members are not asked to participate in this tradition. Like the process of the rabbi leading the Kaddish prayer alongside the Jewish headstone, the chevra kadisha perform this prayer in a practiced manner.

The members of the chevra kadisha who are performing the ritual also recite prayers and psalms, with the goal of sending the spirit into the afterlife in a fully cleansed state. Once the body has been fully cleaned, the chevra kadisha place a prayer shawl or other religious garment over the body. While being buried beneath the Jewish headstone, the individual traditionally wears this garment.

In order to find members of the chevra kadisha in your area, you should consult your rabbi.

 

Who Watches the Body Before it is Cleaned?

From the time of death until the time of burial alongside the Jewish monument, the body of a deceased individual is never left alone. This custom, called Shemira, began as a way to prevent thieves and animals from tampering with the body. Now, it lives on as a way to show respect to and comfort the deceased, while also comforting the family.

The individual who guards the body is called a shomer. Shomers are either selected from a chevra kadisha, or from the congregation. While guarding the body of the deceased, shomers are restricted from eating, drinking, and other recreational activities, as a sign of respect.

So, before the body is washed by the chevra kadisha, it is watched over by one or several shomers. While this practice is not as common in modern times as it once was, Orthodox Jews generally still follow this tradition, along with the Jewish headstone unveiling tradition.

 

What is the Spiritual Significance of Washing the Body?

Taharah is also an expression of the cyclicality of life. Following birth, newborn children are washed, to attain a level of spiritual purity. Taharah enables deceased individuals to depart from this world with that same level of purity.

The process of the taharah reflects its spiritual importance. The individual performing the cleaning also recites prayers, asking God to forgive any sins committed by the deceased. These prayers also ask God to watch over the deceased.

 

 

Understanding Jewish Monument Traditions

At Fox Monuments, we are prepared to help you through this process at every step of the way. Our experienced team will guide you through the memorial purchasing process, and give you the information you need to make informed decisions. Contact us to begin ordering a monument, or check out our selection.

When a friend, co-worker, neighbor or family suffers a loss, we want to help. This is a natural response, the urge to help in any way we can. Our hearts break for them. So, we want to contribute to making their situation a little easier, giving them strength and support. Of course, most of our brains jump directly to sending them some sort of gift. Usually, neighbors make dishes in astonishing quantities. This way, the grieving family doesn’t have to worry about food throughout their mourning. 

However, if you know a family in mourning and they’re of the Jewish faith, you should take a look at a few things, first. Judaism is an ancient and globally-practiced religion with many specific customs and points of view on any topic you could imagine. But the subject of death is considerably complex. Simply put, certain gifts that we naturally assume are a good idea to send could be inappropriate at a Jewish memorial service. 

That’s why this post is all about the kind of gifts that you should and should not send to a Jewish family in mourning.

 

No Flowers 

Yes, that’s correct. Since we take the presence of flowers for granted at wakes and funerals, few (if any) of us question if we should send them to Jewish families. Usually, flowers have no place at Jewish funerals, burials, Unveiling Ceremony or grieving process (Stages of Mourning). They won’t place them on or near a grave, and many view flowers arriving at their home almost as an insult to their loved one. In fact, many Jews consider them to be disruptive to the mourning process and therefore: counterproductive. Jewish funeral etiquette condemns them, so it’s best not to send them. 

Since flowers are usually bright, colorful and appear celebratory, they come across as inappropriately festive. Also, since flowers are such temporary  elements, they’re considered in poor taste. Jews place stones on graves for a reason – their resolve and permanent strength reminds mourners of their loved one’s life. 

Send a Care Package Instead 

For Jewish families, care packages make a fantastic alternative to flowers. Usually, the best time to send them is when the family sits Shiva. 

Of course, Shiva baskets may contain just about any food item. However, most of them contain some variation of pastries, fruit, nuts, coffee/tea, candies, fine chocolates and more. 

In addition, Shiva platters will be welcome, as well. Arrangements of meat, fish, condiments, cheese, salads and sides will give the family something to help make the mourning process a little easier. 

If you want to be extra generous, some arrange complete catering services for families sitting Shiva. However, this will likely require some extensive arrangements in advance. 

 

Conclusion

The term “Tzedakah” means “righteous giving” in Hebrew. Kindness, compassion and generosity are integral to Judaism and define its core values beautifully. At Fox Monuments, we’re proud to serve as an institution that gives grieving Jewish families monuments befitting their loved ones and faith. For decades, our service to Long Island’s Jewish community provides them with the high-quality monuments they love and the gorgeous artistry that celebrates faith and legacy together.