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At Fox Monuments, we understand the pain and grief that comes with the loss of a loved one. Our mission is to provide support and guidance during a time that’s usually very stressful and painful for people. We know what a disorienting time this can be. However, we also know the importance of those who consistently support their friends during times of bereavement.

We know that we never forget the people who stand by us during hard times. Often, when we see friends struggling with grief, we want to do everything we can to help them, even if we can’t be with them. However, we may feel unsure of how to help them or feel immobilized by uncertainty. Therefore, we’ve put together a list of the ways you can support a grieving friend. Keep reading for more information.

1. Don’t Try to “Make It Better”

No matter what, when we lose a loved one, it’s painful. It’s difficult, and sometimes, just plain unbearable. Basically, there’s no making it better. A lot of us make the mistake of trying to minimize the loss by producing a “silver lining.”

If you try to “make it better,” it will usually backfire. So saying things like “everything happens for a reason” or “they’re in a better place” will make them feel misunderstood and lonely. It’s okay for you to acknowledge their pain by saying things like “this is terrible.” In fact, it will help them to feel less alone.

2. Be Prepared to Witness Emotions

So many of us clam up or feel instant discomfort at the first sign of emotion. However, during times like this, you must brace yourself to witness it if you want to be supportive. Of course, it’s tough to watch our friends in pain that we can’t simply erase.

But if you’re willing to be a companion to your friends during painful moments, it will be an enormous help. Let them feel their pain when you’re with them, and don’t let yourself freeze up from discomfort.

3. Don’t Take Unpleasant Behavior Personally

Obviously, we know that with grief, comes enormous sadness. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the only thing they’ll feel is sadness. In fact, many psychologists describe grief as a sort of temporary insanity. Therefore, your friend may feel anything from confusion, to anger, to exhaustion or even rage. Severe grief is usually an alternating combination of all of these.

So, if they’re uncharacteristically short or treat you with hostility, don’t take it personally. It’s important that you keep in mind that they’re not themselves right now. Try your hardest not to snap back at them or feel compelled to return their hostility. And remember: grief does not end at the funeral, they may not be themselves for quite some time after leaving the cemetery. Try to be as patient and understanding as possible.

4. Offer to Do Even the Most Ordinary Things

Grief is excruciating. Anyone who has recently suffered the loss of a loved one may struggle with even the most basic, rudimentary chores or errands throughout the stages of mourning. Everyday tasks may simply feel beyond their ability to complete.

Therefore, offer to do specific things, rather than asking “is there anything you need?” It’s very likely that they don’t even know which tasks they’ve been neglecting. So offer to do specific things, like cleaning the house or picking up groceries. If there’s something you see they’ve forgotten, simply do it without asking. Make this a priority for as long as they need it.

Conclusion – Fox Monuments

Ultimately, you can be a tremendous support system by listening and paying attention. At Fox Monuments, we know firsthand the countless ways you can help your friends by supporting them during times of grief and hardship. We’ve served Long Island’s Jewish community for decades, and provided support by crafting gorgeous, enduring monuments that are a lasting tribute to lives and legacies.

In the Jewish tradition, caring for the elderly is of the highest priority. This means total respect, embracing their hard-won wisdom, and seeking knowledge when necessary. When the elderly are approaching the end of life, there are traditions that family members and close friends can participate in to provide a comforting presence and honor their legacies.

In this post, we’ll discuss the ways that Jewish traditions can comfort the elderly before death. Read on to find out more.

1. Reciting Healing Prayers

When the possibility of death approaches, your loved one or family member will likely be in distress or low spirits. Therefore, reciting or singing the Mi Sheberakh prayer will help provide both comfort and reinforce a sense of unity.

This traditional Jewish healing prayer is not just a way to encourage the healing process, but also to strengthen their spirits. Anyone can recite this prayer alone, or in the company of loved ones.

If you prefer spontaneous, organic prayers, then speaking directly to God may also help them feel at ease. Asking God to help your loved one feel at peace can be a powerful and cathartic experience.

 

2. Humming Traditional Jewish Music

In all cultures, listening to music is a powerful and healing experience. This is especially true in Judaism. Playing loved one’s favorite music can be a restorative and unique experience, especially during this distressing time.

Humming Niggunim, or Jewish melodies without lyrics, creates an atmosphere a lot like the time spent worshipping at temple. This can be important, especially for people with a heavy involvement in religion or religious ceremonies.

Other live music can also cultivate a positive, joyous atmosphere. If the setting allows for it, live musicians can create a soothing environment for your loved one. While this isn’t always a plausible option, you can still sing your loved one’s favorite songs to him or her.

3. Reading Psalms

While everyone tends to have different preferences, reading psalms may remind your loved ones of their values and ethics. Scripture can reinforce religious teachings, and prominent religious figures who may have influenced them. This reminder is especially important during such a difficult time.

Phrases from these psalms will help your loved ones to thank and praise God. In doing so, you can help give them the inspiration they need to persist and remain in good spirits. Many Jewish people have psalms such as this inscribed upon their loved one’s monument as an epitaph.

Specifically, psalm 121 is a fitting choice for anyone who’s suffering. In this psalm, the speaker acknowledges and thanks God for his protection through life. Reciting this (or a similar) psalm to your loved one will help them to find a source of protection in this troubled time. It’s common for these psalms to serve as epitaphs on a loved one’s grave.

Similarly, reciting the viddui prayer will give your loved one an opportunity to renounce his or her sins. Offering the consolation of repentance, as well as the idea that faith and trust, the deathbed-specific viddui prayer can have an important impact in these final days.

4. Discuss Funeral Arrangements

While this is a difficult topic to discuss with anyone, funeral arrangements are difficult, costly, and time-consuming to make. If you’ve been tasked with this responsibility, then bringing this up may be natural. However, it’s important to learn whether or not anybody has taken any steps toward making arrangements.

First, you should learn whether or not the individual has purchased a burial plot. These are expensive plots of land, and depending upon family, religious preferences, and military service, their preference might vary. You can then discuss the cleaning of the body, an important step in the Jewish faith. You should also find out if they ordered a Jewish monument. If your loved one would prefer cremation to a traditional burial, this is also important information.

5. Purchase a Jewish Monument

As we mentioned before, final death arrangements can be difficult and time-consuming to make. This is especially true with ordering a Jewish monument. If you find that your loved one wants to be involved, then request their input. While some may prefer not to focus on something so morbid, others may prefer to alleviate this stress from you.

There are several decisions that you (or your loved one) must make when ordering the Jewish monument. First, you must select the size and material for the headstone. Granite and bronze are popular choices, given their popularity and durability. Next, the epitaph should convey an important message to everyone who visits the grave. So, it should be carefully selected with the individual in mind. Jewish headstone symbols can also play a meaningful role in the monument’s layout. Finally, choosing whether to order a double monument (for a spouse that has not passed) is also an important choice to make.

Making these choices carefully will help you to create a fitting monument, which will help you to reflect when visiting.

Jewish Monuments on Long Island

At Fox Monuments, we’re dedicated to helping families and friends overcome the death of a loved one. Our high-quality headstones are designed specifically for each individual. We’ll work to streamline this process for you, giving you the time you need to take care of other concerns. Most importantly, we’ll help to make a difficult time less stressful and painless for you and your family.

There are so many unprecedented measures currently in place as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. These measures are having a dramatic effect on several families losing loved ones during this very uncertain time. As we’re unable to gather or assemble in large groups, it can be doubly painful for mourners. Common Jewish traditions around the end of life, like Shiva, have been completely disrupted.

Usually, when a Jewish individual passes, their family receives a lot of emotional and physical support from friends, family and community. This kind of support is integral to the Jewish faith. However, in the age of COVID-19, how do we express condolences to those who have suffered a loss?

In this post, we’ll explore how to express condolences safely during the COVID-19 pandemic.

1. Find a Digital Way to Engage

Nowadays, physical presence is often not an option when it comes to expressing condolences. Therefore, we must redefine how we support our grieving friends and family. In some cases, families will visit monuments, hold a burial or shiva but restrict the number of visitors. However, most families are not holding gatherings of any kind in order to eliminate the risk of COVID-19.

While you can’t physically be with the mourning family, you can still send support in other ways. Technology has provided us with means of adapting to social distancing guidelines. Many businesses are utilizing Zoom, FaceTime and other video technology to operate safely. You can contact any friends or family who have suffered a loss the same way to express your condolences without being in the same room.

3. Prepare Meals For the Family or Have Food Delivered

In the Jewish faith, it’s common to prepare meals of consolation for grieving families. The meal of consolation, also known as the meal of condolence, is one of the many ways in which we can help friends through their grief. To ease the stress of the mourning family, the community often provides them a a meal. So, both the presence of the food and the warm gesture contribute to the impact of the meal of condolence.

In addition, this can be a safe way to express your sympathy to a grieving family. You can send the meal to them without any physical interaction. Therefore, during this uncertain age of COVID-19, it’s an optimal way to send your condolences and pay your respects.

3. Plant a Tree In Their Memory

Planting a memorial tree for an individual is a safe and appropriate way to pay tribute to someone you’ve lost. This is a highly respected Jewish tradition for several life events and more specifically, it’s a way to honor the life and legacy of friends, family and those no longer present. Together with the planting of the tree, a memorial certificate will be created and sent to the family to honor their loved one and also express condolences.

Conclusion

While there will never be a substitute for human interaction, these can safely help you to show your support for grieving friends and family. Right now, we all have to make adjustments that feel counterintuitive. However, it’s of paramount importance to keep each other safe until COVID-19 is behind us entirely. At Fox Monuments, we’re still here to provide you with stunning and enduring custom Jewish headstones to honor your loved ones.

Sitting shiva is a consummate Jewish tradition. Without a doubt, it’s one of the most monumental customs within the Jewish faith. Additionally, many consider it to be the most important step in the mourning process. However, how do we sit shiva during this period of social distancing?

At this time, we’re all doing our best to acclimate to unique circumstances. As COVID-19 continues to impact our ability to gather, most of us are still wondering how to proceed in many areas.

At Fox Monuments, we’ve served Long Island’s Jewish community for several decades. Our primary goal is to guide and support families throughout some of the most painful and difficult phases. In this post, we’ll explore shiva and funeral safety in the time of COVID-19.

What is Shiva?

As most of us know, within the Jewish faith, the body of the deceased is buried immediately. Then, for up to seven days after, the bereaved family receives visitors and mourners in their home. Extended family, friends and neighbors visit the home to gather and pay their respects throughout the shiva period.

Usually, the shiva is in the home of the deceased, or one of their family members. Very often, those attending wear torn garments or black ribbon to reflect their state of mourning. Many bring food in order to console the grieving family.

Traditionally, the shiva lasts seven days. In fact, in Hebrew, “shiva” means seven. However, most contemporary families condense shiva into a period of one to four days.

Shiva & Funerals Now

The recent spread of coronavirus makes planning gatherings particularly difficult nowadays. We’re all being encouraged to maintain social distancing and limit gatherings to fewer than ten people. In addition, it seems as if there are new official guidelines and policies on a daily basis. It’s hard to avoid total confusion in the midst of so much uncertainty.

For grieving families, the inability to gather with other mourners can be doubly difficult. Obviously, our natural inclination is to provide support to those who have lost loved ones. Having to compromise on funerals after losing a loved one can be very painful and disorienting.

Unfortunately, right now we have no official policy in place when it comes to shiva and funerals. However, in New York we’re currently limited to gatherings of ten people or less. While this can be frustrating, the safety of our community is paramount.

Keeping Shiva Safe

There are ways to host shiva safely. First, you can regulate the flow of guests by allocating specific times for certain visitors. This way, you’ll be able to limit the amount of people in your home and keep it below ten. Stay in touch with friends and family and decide on a schedule.

In addition, encourage everyone to wear face coverings. Admittedly, this may seem very counterintuitive, especially for mourning attire. However, it’s very necessary at the moment to preventing the spread of COVID-19. Also, be sure to have everyone wash their hands and maintain distances of six feet or more. Implementing these practices might seem like an additional burden. But, they’re a way to ensure you can both honor your faith and keep your community safe.

Fox Monuments

Fox Monuments has always strived to honor the Jewish tradition with gorgeous, custom monuments. Our work is about paying tribute to the Jewish faith and honoring the lives of your loved ones with enduring memorials. No matter what kind of hardships we may collectively face, we’ll maintain our commitment to serving our community.

Within the traditions of the Jewish faith, there is a great deal of emphasis on family. Family presence during significant moments (Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, graduations, and so forth) is very important. When the time comes, raising a family is also a considerable honor. Unfortunately, sitting Shiva for a loved one is equally as important a tradition.

After a loved one has passed, visiting their grave can be a reminder of their life, their influence and your memories together. Read on to learn about when you should visit a Jewish monument as well as the proper etiquette when doing so.

1. Traditional Jewish Headstone Visitation Policies

Historically, religious leaders told the Jewish people to avoid visiting a loved one’s headstone too often. There were two primary reasons for this advice. First, rabbis preferred to keep cemeteries a solemn and peaceful setting for grieving families. In doing so, they would not disrupt a family’s ability to have a full grieving experience, and send their loved ones to the afterlife.

Secondly, they wanted people praying to them and not the dead. At the time, many people thought that encouraging frequent grave visits would result in less devout members.

2. When Should You Visit a Jewish Headstone

Generally, it’s best to visit a Jewish headstone on days that relate to the cycle of life. For example, visiting your loved one’s burial place on the final day of Shiva or Sheloshim is the natural conclusion to the stages of Jewish mourning.

The Yahrzeit, or anniversary of a family member’s death, is also ideal for visitation. In fact, this is generally when the headstone unveiling ceremony is held, and the family views the headstone for the very first time.

There are other days that are ideal for headstone visitation. Many consider Jewish fasting or holy days to be particularly appropriate. Modern customs regarding Jewish headstone visits do not dictate a specific number of visits per year. Rather, people generally prefer to visit moderately throughout the year.

3. When are Jewish Headstone Visitations Discouraged?

While the concept of grave visitations is not looked down upon, there are some days where it’s inappropriate. For example, the middle days of Passover and Sukkot are, essentially, holidays meant to be spent joyfully.

Purim should also be spent in a joyful state. Therefore, visiting the dead would compromise one’s ability to be joyous.

4. Leaving Stones on a Jewish Headstone

What began as a cautionary practice in ancient times of Judaism has become a grieving tradition. To mark Jewish graves, mourners would leave piles of stones on graves (before the creation of headstones and monuments) as a warning to priests. Priests believed that being too close to a corpse would taint them somehow, and make them impure.

This practice also stems from a principle described in the Talmud, which details Rabbinic Law, regarding the soul. According to tradition, the soul remains in the grave, with the Jewish Headstone. So, families began putting stones on the headstone, in order to keep the soul close. Other interpretations of this principle involve keeping demonic entities away from the grave, and the soul.

And, some people believe that stones are a more permanent symbol of resolution and endurance than flowers. While flowers will eventually blow away or wither, stones will remain intact.

Finally, placing stones on a Jewish headstone is also a way to comfort a mourning family. Finding a headstone with many stones adorning it is a welcome sight, in that it signifies others have recently visited and paid their respects as well.

5. Blessing the Deceased

Upon entering the cemetery, those who haven’t visited a cemetery in thirty days must offer a blessing. Often called the Jewish Cemetery Blessing, this etiquette is a sign of respect for the deceased.

Rather than praying directly next to the headstone of your loved one, this prayer should be said inside the cemetery in general.

6. While Next to the Jewish Headstone and Grave Site

After reaching the grave site, there are a few common traditions to take note of. First, Jews who have become knowledgeable in ancient laws and traditions should study the Mishnah. This ancient text is the original collection of Jewish oral traditions. So examining and pondering this text while visiting your loved one is significant.

Next, it’s also common to recite chapters from the Book of Psalms. Psalm 119, which has alphabetized verses, often serves as a great starting point. It’s common to select a verse based on the letters of the name. Often, people place their hands on the headstone while reading the psalm.

Praying to God while next to your loved one’s Jewish headstone is a critical aspect of visiting a grave. However, it’s important to remember that this prayer should be directed toward God, and not your loved one. In some schools of thought, this is blasphemy.

7 Memorial Prayer

Finally, the Kel Maleh Rachamim is an extremely important memorial prayer. While its exact origin is unknown, it’s become a standard prayer for all memorial-related events — especially grave visitations.

Jewish Headstones from Fox Monuments of Long Island

When you’re saying goodbye to a loved one, the Jewish memorial purchasing process should not be difficult or stressful. At Fox Monuments, we strive to help each family through their grief by making this process as smooth, stress-free and simple as possible. We will create a beautiful monument to honor your loved one’s life, and an excellent tribute for you to remember them by.

Losing a loved one is devastating. At Fox Monuments, we know just how profound a loss it can be. Losing friends or family members is always incredibly painful and it’s usually the worst time in someone’s life. Obviously, we all know how difficult this kind of loss can be. That’s why when a friend loses a loved one, we want to do everything we can to support them. However, many of us simply don’t know what to say or do.

It can often be difficult trying to find the right thing to say or do to give our friends the condolences and support we feel they deserve. Unfortunately, sometimes words and gestures that come from a genuine desire to help can do unintended damage. Often, they can backfire and just exacerbate the pain of a loss. In this post, we’ll discuss some tactful and supportive etiquette that can help a friend through their grief. Keep reading to find out more.
 

What You Should Do or Say

First and foremost, don’t be afraid to express your condolences or give them a hug. Often, we’re afraid to remind them of their loss. However, the odds are they haven’t exactly forgotten about it. No need for anything over the top, but do or say something. But by reminding them that you care, you’ll be doing a great deal to help them.

Next, be sure to listen, listen, listen. Once you express your sympathy, be an observer. If they don’t want to talk about it anymore, they’ll let you now. Remember: let them move things in the direction they decide. Don’t press them to keep discussing a topic that’s obviously very painful.

It can be an enormous help to get support from somebody who recently went through a similar experience. Additionally, this is much better than simply leaving it at: “I know how you feel.” If they’ve lost a spouse, it can be very helpful for them to see how someone else is dealing with a similar loss. However, never do this without asking them first if they’d find it helpful.

Keep in mind that small gestures can be a huge help. Not every attempt to help has to be grand. Try the occasional text message, phone call or email, maybe bring food or flowers over every once in a while. This series of small gestures can have a massive and profound collective impact.
 

What You Shouldn’t Do or Say

Without a doubt, you should never diminish the loss. While you might feel extreme discomfort at seeing someone you love in pain, minimizing the loss never helps. However, this doesn’t mean you should avoid focusing on the positive impact of a person’s life. Don’t focus only on past events, though – this can often make the pain worse.

On the flip side of that, it’s equally important to never overdramatize the loss. Statements like “I don’t know how you’ll ever live without them” serve absolutely no purpose. In addition, they negate the truth. Ultimately, they will have to find their way without them.

Remember to ask, don’t tell. Whenever you see them, ask them how it’s going, instead of making observations like “you look amazing” or “you look like you’re having a hard time.” Those are all subjective statements that can often make them feel conflicted. They may not feel that way, or may have no idea of how they feel and might begin questioning their ability to grieve “the right way.” Anyway, there’s no rigid itinerary for grief. Try not to make them feel like they’re going too quickly or too slowly.
 

Fox Monuments of Long Island

At Fox Monuments, we’ve served Long Island’s Jewish community throughout times of grief for years. We know how painful and disorienting it can be, and strive to provide a service that greatly eases the burden. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are definitely advisable ways to console and support our friends.

For more information on Fox Monuments or our services, contact us today.

At Fox Monuments, we’ve worked together as a family company for decades to serve Long Island’s Jewish community. Our primary mission is to guide and support people throughout the most difficult times in their lives. Unfortunately, right now we’re in the midst of a public health crisis with the spread of the coronavirus.

As we all know, COVID-19 is spreading at an alarming speed in New York and Long Island. As a result, many hospitals and health care facilities are filling at alarming rates. Additionally, as per CDC and federal guidelines, many businesses are closed and practicing social distancing. Throughout all of this fear and uncertainty, we want you to know that we’re still here for our community. We’re still open for business and able to help you with any of your monument needs.

What Fox Monuments is Doing

• Temporarily, we will be limiting showroom appointments in order to inhibit the spread of germs.
• We’re still developing and creating custom Jewish memorials for your departed loved ones.
• Every square inch of our facility receives constant cleaning, disinfection and sanitation throughout our business hours.
• We have several options for contact – including phone, LiveChat and our website.
• Each of our employees are practicing rigorous hygienic and sanitary routines.

At Fox Monuments, we not only want to serve our community in difficult times, but help to keep you safe. We’ve always done our part to provide support throughout tough times, and nothing has changed.

The Future

Unfortunately, there’s no way for any of us to know exactly when this will be over. Like everyone else, we hope this can all reach a resolution with minimal losses very soon.

Many funerals and memorials services have been postponed. For the time being, gatherings of any kind are naturally discouraged. However, no matter when the memorial is rescheduled to, we at Fox Monuments will prepare an enduring, stunning Jewish monument to provide when the time comes. In any case, several families prefer to conduct an Unveiling Ceremony for their headstone. These ceremonies take place one year following a passing.

Stay Safe, Stay Home

Fox Monuments has been a provider of guidance and support to Jewish people in need for decades. No matter what kind of crisis we may be experiencing, Fox Monuments is a family company that will continue to provide our community with support. This is a trying, difficult time, but we’ll make it through. In the mean time: stay home whenever possible, wash your hands frequently, and stay safe!

Shiva is a practice of Jewish mourning that lasts for seven days. It begins on the day of a Jewish funeral or burial. However, these days, most Shivas tend to last about three days.

Essentially, this is a structured mourning period. It allows the bereaved family a designated time and space to receive fellow mourners and process their grief. It is a way to help the bereaved move through the stages of mourning. Usually, Shiva is announced at the funeral service.

The word “Shiva” comes from the Hebrew word for “seven,” symbolizing completion and a sacred cycle. While the modern observance may be shortened, the meaning remains powerful—a time for family, friends, and community to gather, reflect, and offer comfort. During this period, mourners refrain from normal daily activities and instead focus on remembrance and prayer.

2. Customs, Ritual & Protocol

Shiva takes place within the home of the spouse, parent, sibling, or child of the deceased. And while Shiva is a Jewish event, non-Jews are welcome to attend. During Shiva, the community will visit the grieving family to pay their respects.

Basically, prior to actually visiting the home, it’s customary to make a call. Essentially, the purpose of this call is to remind the family that they’re not alone. During this call, it’s important for you to listen, be compassionate, and supportive. Clearly, this is an obvious instinct for anyone consoling a bereaved friend or family member.

First, when you arrive at the home sitting Shiva, you’re encouraged to walk right in. During the Shiva period, the family’s home is open to all who are willing to pay their respects. Essentially, everyone is welcome.

As the visitor, your purpose is to honor the grief of the bereaved. In other words, you’re encouraged to play a role of unconditional support and to be a comforting presence. Many religions or cultures encourage mourners to hide their grief. However, Jewish culture is unique in that it promotes the open sharing of communal grief. Shiva is a crucial aspect of this shared mourning.

When entering the home, you may notice a few customs that are unfamiliar. The mourners might be seated on low stools or even the floor, symbolizing their grief. Mirrors are often covered, as appearance and vanity are set aside during mourning. A candle may burn throughout Shiva, representing the soul’s light. As a guest, simply observing and respecting these practices is enough—you are not expected to participate unless invited.

3. The Shiva Policies

There are certain rituals, practices, and policies to adhere to during Shiva. Naturally, this may vary depending on the family in question. Nonetheless, it’s best to be aware of the general Shiva policies when visiting a home.

Many non-Jews aren’t aware that discussing the manner of death is highly inadvisable. Basically, this is universally discouraged. Don’t bring up how the person died, unless the family wishes to discuss it voluntarily.

Most Shiva homes will place a guest book in a communal area for guests to sign. It’s considered polite for all visitors to sign this book. Essentially, you want to leave notes of support and consolation for the bereaved. Keep an eye out for this book and be sure to sign it.

Accordingly, it’s important to not have solid expectations for the atmosphere of the Shiva. Every Shiva feels different. In many cases, whether it’s a family member’s first or seventh Shiva, each one can feel like the first. Remember: your purpose is to be a shoulder to cry on and to console.

4. What to Bring When Visiting Shiva

When attending Shiva, it’s customary to bring something that provides comfort or assistance to the family. Unlike other mourning traditions, sending flowers is generally not appropriate in Jewish culture. Instead, consider one of the following gestures:

• Food: Bringing food is a traditional and appreciated act of kindness. Kosher meals or baked goods are preferred, especially if the family keeps kosher.
• Charitable Donation: Many families request donations to a specific charity or synagogue in memory of the deceased. This aligns with the Jewish value of tzedakah, or giving.
• Condolence Card: A simple message of sympathy is always welcome. Express your love and support rather than offering clichés.

Providing food helps the family focus on mourning instead of daily tasks. It’s one of the most tangible ways to show support and compassion during this sacred period.

5. Dress Code for Shiva

When visiting a Shiva home, dress respectfully and modestly. You don’t need to wear black, but subdued, conservative clothing is appropriate. For men, slacks and a collared shirt are ideal; women may wear modest dresses or blouses with skirts or slacks. If the Shiva is held at a synagogue or observant home, men may be offered a yarmulke (head covering) to wear inside. Accepting and wearing it is considered respectful.

6. Proper Etiquette and Conversation

Conversation at a Shiva is meant to comfort, not to distract. When you arrive, it’s common to greet the mourners quietly. You may wait for the family to initiate conversation rather than speaking first. Sometimes, the most powerful form of comfort is silence. Simply sitting beside the mourner can speak volumes.

When you do speak, focus on kind memories or qualities of the deceased. Share moments that highlight their warmth, generosity, or humor. Avoid topics like business, politics, or lighthearted chatter. The goal is to provide comfort and to affirm the lasting impact of the person’s life.

Before leaving, you may offer the traditional phrase of comfort: “May God comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.” If you’re not Jewish, a simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “May their memory be a blessing” is also appropriate.

7. Food and Community at Shiva

Food plays a large role in the Shiva gathering. After the funeral, a “meal of consolation” known as seudat havra’ah is often shared. Traditional foods may include eggs, lentils, bagels, and other round foods that symbolize the cycle of life. During the days that follow, friends and neighbors often provide meals for the family.

As a visitor, it’s respectful to eat what is offered and to avoid bringing non-kosher food into the home. Sharing a meal is both an act of kindness and a way to connect with the grieving family through tradition and compassion.

8. The End of Shiva and Continuing Support

When Shiva concludes—after seven days or earlier depending on the family—the mourners gradually return to their daily routines. The end of Shiva marks a transition, but grief does not end with it. It’s thoughtful to reach out in the weeks following, offering continued support. A call, card, or meal later on reminds the family that they are not forgotten once Shiva is over.

Judaism emphasizes community through every stage of mourning, from Shiva to the later observances of Shloshim (30 days) and the yearly Yahrzeit (anniversary of passing). Understanding these traditions helps non-Jewish friends participate in meaningful ways that honor both the family and the faith.

Conclusion

At Fox Monuments, we hold Jewish customs and practices in the highest respect. We take enormous pride in helping the Jewish community create fitting memorials to pay tribute to their loved ones. Understanding practices like Shiva helps foster compassion, respect, and unity among all people. Whether you’re attending a Shiva or assisting a Jewish friend in mourning, your presence and empathy are the greatest gifts you can offer.

Frequently Asked Questions About Shiva

What does “Shiva” mean in Judaism?

“Shiva” literally means “seven” in Hebrew, referring to the seven days of mourning after a Jewish burial. It’s a sacred period of reflection, prayer, and communal support.

Can non-Jews attend a Shiva?

Yes. Non-Jews are welcome to attend Shiva and show support for the bereaved family. Observing traditions respectfully—such as removing shoes if requested or wearing modest clothing—is appreciated.

Is it appropriate to bring flowers to Shiva?

No. Flowers are not traditionally part of Jewish mourning customs. Instead, bringing kosher food, sending a condolence card, or making a charitable donation in memory of the deceased is preferred.

What should I say to someone sitting Shiva?

You may say, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” or “May their memory be a blessing.” Many Jewish mourners also find comfort in the traditional phrase, “May God comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”

How long does Shiva last?

Traditionally, Shiva lasts seven days following the funeral. However, some families observe it for three days. The duration may vary based on family customs or observance level.

The rabbi plays a critical role in the Jewish mourning process, as a key point of guidance and wisdom for the family. Essentially, rabbis are the keepers of the Jewish faith. Their importance isn’t simple reserved for providing solace after death.

Throughout the tradition of Judaism, rabbis have served by encouraging people to be faithful to themselves and their religion. People need advice from an esteemed religious figure, especially after the death of a loved one. The importance of a rabbi begins long before death, and ends after burial with the Jewish headstone. In this post, we’ll discuss the tasks and significance of a rabbi after an individual’s death, and throughout the grieving process.
 

Before Death

In the Jewish faith, there are several prayers in place for life’s specific moments and milestones. One of these is right before a loved one’s death. After informing a rabbi of someone’s failing health, the rabbi will generally come to provide advice. Essentially, they’ll experience the positive effects of the rabbi’s presence before selecting a Jewish headstone.

This is not solely for the dying individual, but also for their family members, who are obviously experiencing a range of mixed emotions. This meeting relieves the dying person of any unresolved grievances, so that they may pass on peacefully.

Additionally, it’s traditional for the rabbi to lead the dying individual in the Vidui. This confessional prayer allows them to express regret for all of their sins, prior to entering the afterlife.
 

After Death

Traditionally, the rabbi leads those assembled in the “True Judge” prayer. During this prayer, the family aims to help their loved one transition into the afterlife. This prayer is one of the most meaningful, especially before the Jewish headstone’s placement. However, some choose to perform this particular prayer at the funeral instead.

Another principle that’s prominent within Jewish burial is that of the protector. Shemira, which is Hebrew for guarding, requires friends to maintain a steady watch over the body. They must maintain this observation from the time of death through the burial, reciting psalms and other important Jewish readings. In doing so, they can ensure that the body is untainted and not disturbed. Non-family members generally compose the shomer. When the family cannot find enough shomers, the rabbi will make arrangements.

Jewish Funeral Services

The rabbi’s role in the Jewish funeral tends to vary. This depends on the specific circle, as general funeral customs tend to do. While not explicitly mandated by Jewish law or scripture, the rabbi generally officiates at the Jewish funeral. Interestingly, flowers are inappropriate at Jewish funerals. Before the service formally begins, the rabbi usually leads the family in the rending of the garments. This age-old tradition, historically called Keriah, works on several levels. First, it gives family members a physical outlet through which to express their grief. Second, it signifies the destruction of one’s heart. Finally, it gives family members a way to express their pain.

After gathering information from family members and friends, the rabbi gives a eulogy. In this passage, the rabbi generally delivers insight into the character of the deceased. Occasionally, the rabbi will also ask family members to participate, or deliver a separate story. Through delivering this eulogy, the rabbi seeks to impart the same sort of information that a Jewish headstone might, with various symbols and an epitaph.

Burial

Once the funeral is over, the family, mourners and rabbi relocate to the burial site. Here, the rabbi again leads the group in prayer. The Mourner’s Kaddish, which is a way to offer praise and gratitude to God, is important throughout the grieving process. The rabbi generally leads this process. Once this ceremony has concluded, the casket goes into the ground, beneath the Jewish headstone. Family members generally participate through the symbolic gesture of throwing dirt into the grave.
 

After the Burial

Following a Jewish Burial, the rabbi’s involvement tends to be significantly reduced. This is because the family unites in support of each other, and in remembrance of the deceased individual. The Shiva, generally hosted in either the home of the deceased or a close relative, allows family members to process this grief.
 

Monument Unveiling Ceremony

During the Yahrzeit, or one year after a loved one’s passing, the family participates in the monument unveiling process, or the “unveiling ceremony.” This tradition stems from a time when elaborate headstones were common, and others came to respect the hard work of masons and craftsmen. The rabbi again joins the family and delivers prayers from the book of Psalms. Additionally, the rabbi may deliver another eulogy in commemoration of the deceased individual.

Jewish Headstones – From Fox Monuments Long Island

At Fox Monuments, our goal is to streamline the monument purchasing process for all families in mourning. Our staff will guide you through each step, so that you can find the perfect solution for your loved one. Contact us to begin the Jewish headstone purchasing process.